The Gift of Being Alone

I am so fulfilled this morning after spending alone time with the Lord. In His presence is fullness of joy! (Psalm16:11). My devotion time was placed on hold as I’ve been connecting the dots between my behavior and beliefs, and my childhood wounds. And after reading Scarlet’s Hiltibidal’s book called “AFRAID OF ALL THINGS” and hearing how she manages to have a “date day” with Jesus often with three kids and other responsibilities; I’m amped once again to take advantage of this time to make time with the Lord. This is where the title of this blog emerged.

Loneliness is painful; and as a child I went through that a lot! To compensate for my loneliness I sought boy’s attention and men on dating apps to fill that void. My phone was always buzzing and boys would always come over to my house! Them giving me attention; to me meant that I was loved and seen but that was a huge time waster and the cause of much heart break. I wish I had taken that time to sit alone in the breeze of night and admire the moon and stars and sing worship songs to Jesus as I do now, but being a child I couldn’t see past that. I believed that loneliness would be a terrible feeling that would never cease even as a Born again adult; until I began working on my childhood wounds; realizing the lack of love and nurturing from my parents. Now I can say to my younger self: Loneliness is a very painful yet necessary experience in life. Don’t seek boy’s attention to fill your void. Endure!

In my early years of salvation I was obsessed about marriage and having children. This was amplified by the men and women who’d make it seem like being married to a “Godly” man is prestigious and a goal every woman should attain. Prophecies of how your husband is coming soon just as a new born again believer would intensify that desire. Your marriage status proved that you are a Godly person and that is absolutely further from the truth. I asked my thirty year old friend earlier in the year out of curiosity when he’s planning on getting married. He said that he’s not even sure that he wants to get married! For someone who thought that marriage was prestigious that came as a shock to me. I asked why and he said, perhaps marriage is not for him because he doesn’t have that desire to get married yet. He cited The Apostles Paul’s words from 1 Corinthians 7:1, “It is good for a man not to marry!” So why do we make singleness seem like such a bad thing by putting pressure on people to get married?  “I wish all men were as I am (single)”, said the Apostle Paul. “But each man has his own gift from God, one has this gift, another has that” (1 Corinthians 7: 7). Consider that next time you feel pressured to prove your spirituality by getting married.

Or perhaps like me you thought that marriage would do away with your loneliness. You find yourself accepting any kind of person who professes love for you thinking it’ll make you feel whole. That’s also further from the truth. I thought that taking a child in would cure my loneliness but it made me even more frustrated! The worst thing we can ever do is expect another human being to fulfill us.

Scarlet Hiltibidal quoted Jim Carrey’s tweet in her book, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” Personally, the cure to the void and loneliness I’ve felt my entire life was accepting the fact that my parents failed me as a child but the Lord took me up. Though my mother and my father had forsaken me, He received me (Psalm27:10) nurtured, and loved me beyond what I could have ever imagined. I ended my previous blog by saying, “The love I’ve always needed will find me” but I want to change that to, “The love I’ve always needed has found me” His name is Jesus!

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” (Ecclesiastes3:1)

I’m pondering on that verse as I go through this time alone. When my sister visits with my 8 month old niece I practically have no time on my own unless I get up at 4am each day. Since she’s been staying with me almost the entire year; this has been a good practice and has enriched my love for God and strengthened the bond I have with Him. She’s gone now and of course I’m missing her and her baby but I try not to wallow in sadness and fully appreciate this time I have on my own! I can decide to spend time with Jesus at any time of the day with no disturbance and this made me so grateful that I don’t have any children of my own yet or a husband who’ll always require my care. I finally understood what the Apostle Paul meant when he said, “I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs- how he can please the Lord. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs. Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit” (1 Corinthians 7:32 & 34). Seeing things from this perspective helped me stop being concerned about thoughts of finding a man on Tinder or any other thing that’s worthless in sight of eternity.

Being alone is a gift in a sense that you devote yourself to finding wholeness in seeking God. It’s in those times that you experience the most love, your horizons are broadened and your faith enlarged. You come to grasp the fact that your struggles, hurt and tears are nothing compared to the broader perspective God reveals to you. You make Him your source of life and take that pressure off other people! You become complete and whole! Please use this time wisely.