"It does not matter what anyone else thinks about you. It only matters what you think. And if you are willing to think whatever they want to think- about anything, even about you- then you will be able to hold your thoughts steady with who you really are; and you will in time feel good no matter what."- Abraham Hicks
“You’ve learned to silence the negative self-talk and
replace it with unconditional self-love and self-acceptance. When you bring
this spirit of unconditional love to your interactions with others, you see
them through the eyes of compassion and you respect their choices even if they
differ from yours. Through the power of forgiveness, you are able to move past
the harm caused by others and see that they were doing the best they could at
that time. You are able to set goals that are consistent with what you really
want, and you love yourself through the process of working to achieve them. In
the end, you know that you are already perfect and complete, more than enough,
and you will always receive exactly what you need in every moment. While you
are grateful for the lessons you have learned from others, you now have the
confidence to walk your own path because you know that everything you need is
already inside of you. You no longer try to control those around you with
anger, guilt or sadness in order to force them to believe or act the way you
think they should. You respect everyone’s ability to make their own decisions,
which means you don’t project onto them a mask of who you think they should be.
Because you accept yourself for who you are, you are now able to accept every
other person for who they are. This is a dream that we are co-creating; we are
learning from each other and respecting every person’s individual perspective.
No one is more important than anyone else. Engaging from this place of mutual
respect for all beings makes it the best world possible.” Don Miguel Ruiz (THE MASTERY OF SELF)
"There's an old saying that goes, 'There are no victims, only volunteers.' BAITERs are always on the lookout for volunteers, for people who are out of touch with the world- and with themselves, blame others, and simply don't expect to have other than the most mediocre of lives. These people are 'easy pickings' and virtually offer themselves up to be exploited."-Dr Phil (Life Code)
"So what if your past isn't pretty? So what if you gave up more than a few times? You're still here. You have another chance to take your destiny into your hands. Refuse to be ashamed of your truth. It's a part of who you are, helped make you so unbelievably incredible. Scarred? Yes. Wounded? For sure. Afraid? Without a doubt. But you're still here, and that means you can do more than survive. You can live again. You can smile again. And you don't have to be afraid anymore. God doesn't give us the spirit of fear, so if fear is present in your life, it can't be from Him."-Sarah Jakes (Lost & Found)
"Your life may not be where you want it to be, but things could be so much worse. If you don't learn to adjust to the shifts in your life, the shifts will change you. One day you'll wake up and you won't have a clue who you have become. You will remember the days when your smile reached your eyes and laughter cleansed your soul as distant, unreachable times. Even though your life may not be what you wanted, it's still a life that someone else isn't there to enjoy. It's yours. If we don't learn to utilize our hope to combat our disappointment, our hearts become tarnished. What once was so beautiful has been left to rust, all because we didn't take the time to remain present to the changes within us."- Sarah Jakes (Lost & Found)
"It is impressive to see a person who has been battered by life in many ways, who is torn by a variety of unsolved problems, who may be alienated from many aspects of the self- and yet who is still fighting, still struggling, still striving to find the path to a fulfilling existence, moved by the wisdom of knowing, 'I am more than my problems.' Having the will to be efficacious does not mean that we deny or disown feelings of inefficacy when they arise; it means that we do not accept them as permanent. We can feel temporarily helpless without defining our essence as helplessness. We can feel temporarily defeated without defining our essence as failure. We can allow ourselves to feel temporarily hopeless, overwhelmed, while preserving the knowledge that after a rest, we will pick up the pieces as best as we can and start moving forward again. Our vision of our life extends beyond the feelings of the moment. Our concept of self can rise above today's adversity. This is one of the forms of heroism possible to a volitional consciousness."-Nathaniel Branden (HONORING THE SELF)
"I was neglected when I was growing up, and I picked up on that neglect in taking care of myself. In my relationship with others, and most of my relationship with myself, I neglected my physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual, and spiritual needs. I have finally taken responsibility for me and have stopped blaming my past for what I do today. I still hold those accountable for what they did or didn't do, but my life is no longer controlled by my past. Things still come up, but now I work to separate what's about my past and what is about today. I don't have to take my past on someone else today, and I thank God for putting people in my life who lovingly helped me to see these things. I bring the willingness, He gives the wisdom and the strength.'- Bob, H (Co-Dependents Anonymous)
"Once upon a time there were two brothers who aroused the interest of a psychologist. One brother was an alcoholic, while the other hardly touched liquor at all. The psychologist, curious as to the 'causes' of this difference, undertook to interview each man separately. To the alcoholic he said, 'You've been an alcoholic for most of your adult life. Why do you suppose that is?' The man responded, 'That's easy to explain. You see, my father was an alcoholic. You might say I learned to drink at my father's knee.' To the man who hardly touched the liquor at all the psychologist said, 'You don't like to drink. How come?' The man responded, 'That's easy to explain. You see, my father was an alcoholic. You might say I learned very early in life that alcohol can be poison.' Ultimately, we are responsible for the life decisions we make. We are responsible for the conclusions we draw from our experience. The kind of decisions and conclusions we arrive at inevitably reflect the mental operations through which we process the events of our life. Those mental operations are the single most decisive factor to our level of self-esteem."-Nathaniel Branden (HONORING THE SELF)
"We simply can't take people at face value. We must look under the surface. We must look for discrepancies, for exaggeration, for half-truths. This doesn't mean we need to become paranoid- just realistic. It is human nature to look out for our own self-interests. It is part of our survival instincts. This means that when a stranger approaches you and is nice to you-especially when that stranger is a man- you need to at least consider the possibility that he or she wants something from you-probably sex or money. Just because someone seems to be a nice person doesn't mean you can trust him or her. Con artists can be very charming people."-Beverly Engel (The Nice Girl Syndrome)
"In the name of religion, I had grown to believe that the more giving I did, the more pleasing I was to God. I was left defeated and exhausted with no sense of self-respect."-Beth (Co-dependent Anonymous)
"We have to be patient with ourselves as we move through the parts in between the where we've been and where we're going. We have to let the chasm motivate rather than dishearten us. It's okay to not be there yet. It's okay to be unsure of every step that you take forward. We don't talk about how moving on sometimes feels like we're fighting every part of our most basic instincts, but we should. We should talk about how growth is often every bit as painful as it is beautiful.You're not pathetic for mourning while you grow."-Heidi Priebe (This is Me Letting You Go)
"We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we're capable of living, even if that means we have to be alone for a very long time."-Heidi Priebe (This is Me Letting You Go)
"So, how do we refer to these people who cheat, exploit, use and abuse? I think of them as BAITERs (for people who are Backstabbers/Abusers/Imposters/Takers/Exploiters/Reckless). These people don't see the world the way you do. They do not have your standards for relationships. They lack empathy. They lack conscience. They lack the ability to feel remorse, and they selfishly and nationalistically pursue whatever their own egos demand. They are, consciously and subconsciously, unscrupulous. They use dirty tricks and underhanded politics. They exploit, abuse, lie, cheat and manipulate. They do not hesitate to commit any nefarious act that will take them closer to their goal. They are committed to win and to win at any cost- and that 'cost' is often paid by you."-Dr Phil (Life Code)
"My spiritual upbringing taught me to pray for the misguided people in my life, and I always have and always will, and I hope you do the same for those in your life. But (and this is a big but) praying for them does not mean that we-you and I- shouldn't also protect ourselves and those we love from them. In fact, it's our duty to self-protect because, true to their reptilian nature, these people, like snakes, will inject their venom into us (if not destroy us) without flinching. We must open our eyes to the 'games' they play and boldly confront this very negative and unsavory part of our world."-Dr Phil (Life Code)
"It doesn't matter how long it takes. I'm on the road to recovery, and I have hope."-Jenny C (Co-dependent Anonymous)
"I have come to believe that pain and the associated difficulties and crisis are required to attain lasting happiness in one's life. The pain becomes a door to healing. As I continue on my journey, the truth of this concept becomes more clear. My beliefs about my past do affect how I view my present. I now choose to see my past with less pain. The day when I have accepted my past in total, no longer holding any resentment, will be a graceful day in my life."- Andy D (Co-Dependents Anonymous)
"I still fight feeling "less than", but I no longer believe that my value comes from another. When the spirit is within me- when the light burns inside- I know that I'm worthwhile just as I am. I know that one day at a time, I can trust that my life will work. Not only work, but prosper."-Andy D (Co-Dependents Anonymous)
"I leave you now with the hope that you will be fearless and thorough. Face your truth with rigorous honesty. Finally accept your powerlessness over other people and your compulsiveness. Let go that your God may bring grace into your life. Laugh too; allow yourself to enjoy your life. These are my hopes for you and for me. I also hope that God's love will fill us with self-love so that we may live each day in peace and love and thus, be free to be free to be of service to our fellows."-Andy D (Co-Dependents Anonymous)
"Make mistakes and then move on."- Andy D (Co-Dependents Anonymous)
"See how far you've come. Celebrate the journey that you've taken so far. And look forward to the adventure that lies ahead."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"Life is going to take you on your own journey of personal transformation. You may have to let go off some things. But don't worry, you'll get some of those things back. And sometimes when we think that something is lost, it's not. It's just moved to a different place. No pain, no gain, is what many people say. And usually they say that because when the lesson is learned, the pain stops. But then something happens. It just clicks in. The moments start getting better. And it's not because of what we get. It happens because we've surrendered. And although it looks like what we've surrendered to is pain and heartache, we've really surrendered to God's will."-Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"I stopped looking for outward circumstances to provide me with happiness. I began to see that I held that key myself."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"If you're going through something in your life that isn't what you planned, a transformation is at hand. While we might prefer to be transformed in the twinkling of an eye, it usually doesn't happen that fast. It takes all the moments added together, and sometimes those moments go on and on. But one day when you least expect it, a phoenix rises from the ashes. That phoenix is you. Some of us encounter a lot of pain. Some of us have less. If I could sit across from you now, I'd look into your eyes and say these words to you: 'I know you've been through a lot. But there's a new cycle coming. You're going to learn about joy."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"Don't try, don't force, don't make it happen. Let. Let it happen. Let go and let God."-Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
One day, I stopped looking. It wasnt that I gave up. I gave in. I stopped waiting to win the spiritual lottery. Stopped trying to become enlightened. Stopped looking for that perfect soul mate. And started surrendering to and enjoying each moment of my life- just as it is. Tha'ts when I found joy. Or maybe joy found me. The key to enlightenment might be simpler than we think. We're here to experience joy.Look at each moment of your life and learn to say, How sweet it is."-Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"There is no such thing as complete acceptance. When you can remember a loss with a little distance and much less pain, you have accepted the loss and mourned it fully. You accept that life is different now and move on."- David Viscott (Emotionally Free)
"There are certain events that we may never accept fully. What can be accepted, though, is that we are required to live with these losses and find a way to go on. Some people were horribly abused in childhood, beyond what anyone can be expected to endure. Some of us have experienced unthinkable losses later on in life. A spouse may have betrayed us. We may have lost our family through divorce. We may have lost our physical health through an accident or illness. A loved one may have died. It's okay to stop waiting for and expecting total acceptance of the unthinkable in your life. Instead, gently do one thing each day to demonstrate that you're willing to move forward with your life."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"To save our our own lives, sometimes we have to let go first."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"So what if your past isn't pretty? So what if you gave up more than a few times? You're still here. You have another chance to take your destiny into your hands. Refuse to be ashamed of your truth. It's a part of who you are, helped make you so unbelievably incredible. Scarred? Yes. Wounded? For sure. Afraid? Without a doubt. But you're still here, and that means you can do more than survive. You can live again. You can smile again. And you don't have to be afraid anymore. God doesn't give us the spirit of fear, so if fear is present in your life, it can't be from Him."-Sarah Jakes (Lost & Found)
"Your life may not be where you want it to be, but things could be so much worse. If you don't learn to adjust to the shifts in your life, the shifts will change you. One day you'll wake up and you won't have a clue who you have become. You will remember the days when your smile reached your eyes and laughter cleansed your soul as distant, unreachable times. Even though your life may not be what you wanted, it's still a life that someone else isn't there to enjoy. It's yours. If we don't learn to utilize our hope to combat our disappointment, our hearts become tarnished. What once was so beautiful has been left to rust, all because we didn't take the time to remain present to the changes within us."- Sarah Jakes (Lost & Found)
"It is impressive to see a person who has been battered by life in many ways, who is torn by a variety of unsolved problems, who may be alienated from many aspects of the self- and yet who is still fighting, still struggling, still striving to find the path to a fulfilling existence, moved by the wisdom of knowing, 'I am more than my problems.' Having the will to be efficacious does not mean that we deny or disown feelings of inefficacy when they arise; it means that we do not accept them as permanent. We can feel temporarily helpless without defining our essence as helplessness. We can feel temporarily defeated without defining our essence as failure. We can allow ourselves to feel temporarily hopeless, overwhelmed, while preserving the knowledge that after a rest, we will pick up the pieces as best as we can and start moving forward again. Our vision of our life extends beyond the feelings of the moment. Our concept of self can rise above today's adversity. This is one of the forms of heroism possible to a volitional consciousness."-Nathaniel Branden (HONORING THE SELF)
"I was neglected when I was growing up, and I picked up on that neglect in taking care of myself. In my relationship with others, and most of my relationship with myself, I neglected my physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual, and spiritual needs. I have finally taken responsibility for me and have stopped blaming my past for what I do today. I still hold those accountable for what they did or didn't do, but my life is no longer controlled by my past. Things still come up, but now I work to separate what's about my past and what is about today. I don't have to take my past on someone else today, and I thank God for putting people in my life who lovingly helped me to see these things. I bring the willingness, He gives the wisdom and the strength.'- Bob, H (Co-Dependents Anonymous)
"Once upon a time there were two brothers who aroused the interest of a psychologist. One brother was an alcoholic, while the other hardly touched liquor at all. The psychologist, curious as to the 'causes' of this difference, undertook to interview each man separately. To the alcoholic he said, 'You've been an alcoholic for most of your adult life. Why do you suppose that is?' The man responded, 'That's easy to explain. You see, my father was an alcoholic. You might say I learned to drink at my father's knee.' To the man who hardly touched the liquor at all the psychologist said, 'You don't like to drink. How come?' The man responded, 'That's easy to explain. You see, my father was an alcoholic. You might say I learned very early in life that alcohol can be poison.' Ultimately, we are responsible for the life decisions we make. We are responsible for the conclusions we draw from our experience. The kind of decisions and conclusions we arrive at inevitably reflect the mental operations through which we process the events of our life. Those mental operations are the single most decisive factor to our level of self-esteem."-Nathaniel Branden (HONORING THE SELF)
"We simply can't take people at face value. We must look under the surface. We must look for discrepancies, for exaggeration, for half-truths. This doesn't mean we need to become paranoid- just realistic. It is human nature to look out for our own self-interests. It is part of our survival instincts. This means that when a stranger approaches you and is nice to you-especially when that stranger is a man- you need to at least consider the possibility that he or she wants something from you-probably sex or money. Just because someone seems to be a nice person doesn't mean you can trust him or her. Con artists can be very charming people."-Beverly Engel (The Nice Girl Syndrome)
"In the name of religion, I had grown to believe that the more giving I did, the more pleasing I was to God. I was left defeated and exhausted with no sense of self-respect."-Beth (Co-dependent Anonymous)
"We have to be patient with ourselves as we move through the parts in between the where we've been and where we're going. We have to let the chasm motivate rather than dishearten us. It's okay to not be there yet. It's okay to be unsure of every step that you take forward. We don't talk about how moving on sometimes feels like we're fighting every part of our most basic instincts, but we should. We should talk about how growth is often every bit as painful as it is beautiful.You're not pathetic for mourning while you grow."-Heidi Priebe (This is Me Letting You Go)
"We owe it to ourselves to live the greatest life that we're capable of living, even if that means we have to be alone for a very long time."-Heidi Priebe (This is Me Letting You Go)
"So, how do we refer to these people who cheat, exploit, use and abuse? I think of them as BAITERs (for people who are Backstabbers/Abusers/Imposters/Takers/Exploiters/Reckless). These people don't see the world the way you do. They do not have your standards for relationships. They lack empathy. They lack conscience. They lack the ability to feel remorse, and they selfishly and nationalistically pursue whatever their own egos demand. They are, consciously and subconsciously, unscrupulous. They use dirty tricks and underhanded politics. They exploit, abuse, lie, cheat and manipulate. They do not hesitate to commit any nefarious act that will take them closer to their goal. They are committed to win and to win at any cost- and that 'cost' is often paid by you."-Dr Phil (Life Code)
"My spiritual upbringing taught me to pray for the misguided people in my life, and I always have and always will, and I hope you do the same for those in your life. But (and this is a big but) praying for them does not mean that we-you and I- shouldn't also protect ourselves and those we love from them. In fact, it's our duty to self-protect because, true to their reptilian nature, these people, like snakes, will inject their venom into us (if not destroy us) without flinching. We must open our eyes to the 'games' they play and boldly confront this very negative and unsavory part of our world."-Dr Phil (Life Code)
"It doesn't matter how long it takes. I'm on the road to recovery, and I have hope."-Jenny C (Co-dependent Anonymous)
"I have come to believe that pain and the associated difficulties and crisis are required to attain lasting happiness in one's life. The pain becomes a door to healing. As I continue on my journey, the truth of this concept becomes more clear. My beliefs about my past do affect how I view my present. I now choose to see my past with less pain. The day when I have accepted my past in total, no longer holding any resentment, will be a graceful day in my life."- Andy D (Co-Dependents Anonymous)
"I still fight feeling "less than", but I no longer believe that my value comes from another. When the spirit is within me- when the light burns inside- I know that I'm worthwhile just as I am. I know that one day at a time, I can trust that my life will work. Not only work, but prosper."-Andy D (Co-Dependents Anonymous)
"I leave you now with the hope that you will be fearless and thorough. Face your truth with rigorous honesty. Finally accept your powerlessness over other people and your compulsiveness. Let go that your God may bring grace into your life. Laugh too; allow yourself to enjoy your life. These are my hopes for you and for me. I also hope that God's love will fill us with self-love so that we may live each day in peace and love and thus, be free to be free to be of service to our fellows."-Andy D (Co-Dependents Anonymous)
"Make mistakes and then move on."- Andy D (Co-Dependents Anonymous)
"See how far you've come. Celebrate the journey that you've taken so far. And look forward to the adventure that lies ahead."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"Life is going to take you on your own journey of personal transformation. You may have to let go off some things. But don't worry, you'll get some of those things back. And sometimes when we think that something is lost, it's not. It's just moved to a different place. No pain, no gain, is what many people say. And usually they say that because when the lesson is learned, the pain stops. But then something happens. It just clicks in. The moments start getting better. And it's not because of what we get. It happens because we've surrendered. And although it looks like what we've surrendered to is pain and heartache, we've really surrendered to God's will."-Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"I stopped looking for outward circumstances to provide me with happiness. I began to see that I held that key myself."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"Don't try, don't force, don't make it happen. Let. Let it happen. Let go and let God."-Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
One day, I stopped looking. It wasnt that I gave up. I gave in. I stopped waiting to win the spiritual lottery. Stopped trying to become enlightened. Stopped looking for that perfect soul mate. And started surrendering to and enjoying each moment of my life- just as it is. Tha'ts when I found joy. Or maybe joy found me. The key to enlightenment might be simpler than we think. We're here to experience joy.Look at each moment of your life and learn to say, How sweet it is."-Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"There is no such thing as complete acceptance. When you can remember a loss with a little distance and much less pain, you have accepted the loss and mourned it fully. You accept that life is different now and move on."- David Viscott (Emotionally Free)
"There are certain events that we may never accept fully. What can be accepted, though, is that we are required to live with these losses and find a way to go on. Some people were horribly abused in childhood, beyond what anyone can be expected to endure. Some of us have experienced unthinkable losses later on in life. A spouse may have betrayed us. We may have lost our family through divorce. We may have lost our physical health through an accident or illness. A loved one may have died. It's okay to stop waiting for and expecting total acceptance of the unthinkable in your life. Instead, gently do one thing each day to demonstrate that you're willing to move forward with your life."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"To save our our own lives, sometimes we have to let go first."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"For once a person begins on this path of knowledge they will look inward, learning how to fix themselves, instead of trying to fix other people."- Rav Branwein
"Let yourself have all your emotions and feelings about losing people and moments you loved and cherished. Feel as sad as you need to. Grieve. Then let the feelings and the past go. Don't let your memories stop you from seeing how beautiful and precious each moment in your life is now."-Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"Is there someone you'd like to get close to? Is there an irregular circumstance in your life that you can't change? Detachment, particularly detaching in love, helps."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"God, help me surrender to your will."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"Ultimately no one is responsible for my life but me. There is no one to blame, no one to sue, no one to ask for a refund. I make my own decisions and I live with the results of those choices each day."-Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
"God, give me the clarity to see the situations in my life honestly and to act with wisdom and responsibility in the associations that I have."- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
“I understand that during the course of my life I will be required to make many decisions, such as where I want to live, whom I want to live with, where I work, how much fun I have, and how I spend my money and time, including how much time I spend waiting for things to get better and people to change, and whom I choose to love. I understand that many events that occur will be out of my hands and that there are inherent dangers and risks in all decisions I make. Life and people have no obligation whatsoever to live up to my expectations of anybody else. Life is a high-risk sport, and I may become injured along the way. I understand that all the decisions I make are mine and mine alone, including how I chose to handle the events that are beyond my control. I hereby forfeit my right to recourse as a victim, including my rights to blame, complain, and whine or hold someone else responsible for the path I chose to take. I am responsible for my participation- or lack of it- in life. And I take complete responsibility for the outcomes and consequences of all decisions I make, understanding that ultimately it is my choice whether I become happy, joyous, and free or stay miserable and trapped. Although people may voluntarily nurture and love me, I and I alone am responsible for taking care of loving myself.”- Melody Beattie (More Language of Letting Go)
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