My heart swells with gratitude as I write this because
tomorrow I am celebrating 7 years with the Lord! I am grateful for a whole lot
of things which He has done for me and the process He’s carried me through
throughout the years. I can never imagine living without Him, without His
presence, His spirit, His love. He defines the essence of my being and gives me
a reason to live. Many times I’ve
thought of quitting in life because I could not live up to the standard set in
His Word. But He always embraced and comforted me. I
pray that you will be encouraged in your Christian journey to hold on to faith
in this age of apostasy. There is much
uncertainty as we get older and increase in knowledge and experience, but we
should strive to protect our relationship with our Lord at all cost.
I am grateful for growth- in all
dimensions. Because of the Lord, I am reaching developmental milestones which
many my age have already reached. Such an achievement comes through total
abandonment of self. How ironic that as I lose myself i.e.; allowing myself to
lose things that I thought defined my existence, letting go of all expectations,
and enduring every emotion as I walk into the destiny God has for me- I feel
really alive. In Him I live, I move and I have my being. (Acts 17:28)
The most significant value God
has been teaching me in these years is love.
Coming from broken backgrounds into a new life with Christ and learning
all about these promises concerning us, we tend to drift towards spiritual
narcissism whereby entitlement is bred. Most of our spiritual leaders are
narcissistic coming into the church with an expectation to be served and the same
spirit falls upon the congregation that believes that society should serve them
instead of the other way round. This is a time where I have been delving deeper
into spiritual matters; learning more about sound doctrine, coming across such
things as kundalani spirits in churches, and realizing that the most important
thing a Christian can do is to love the Lord with all their heart, mind and
soul, and loving their neighbor as they love themselves.
Love does not come naturally for
me, or at least I think. I mean my friends and some family members say that I’m
loving and all, but wait till I come across difficult people. It’s easy for me
to avoid them altogether by pretending they don’t exist and cutting them completely
out of my life. Sometimes I’m inspired
by God’s word to be loving to people I don’t want to love, but then find that I
fail as time goes by. Is it only me? Or
do you also struggle with that? For me I learned that this is learned behavior.
A few days ago my mom took us back to when I was a baby. She was so overwhelmed
with being a first time mom and getting no support whatsoever. After giving
birth she had to return to work and left me to stay with a grandmother who
became like a “mom” to her after her mother passed away. Apparently every time she got back from work
she’d find my bums burned from poop and urine and the people in the house would
tell her that I’d often cry all day, grasping for air until I learned to soothe
myself. Who knows how long this happened,
and unfortunately this was a pattern my entire life as I moved from place to
place. I learned that the world is not
safe, there is no love and no one will ever come through for me. My close colleague and I had a talk the other
day. Through teary eyes she told me that she feels that I push her away and I’m
quite moody towards her. It dawned on me
that I behaved that way with her because she’s often showing me love by being
generous, thoughtful and initiating conversations when I don’t speak. I pushed
her away because I am not used to being sought after, I have literally learned
to cope on my own without needing anyone.
This enlightenment has helped me
resist the way of anger, hatred and bitterness to one of being open to love; Love
for God, for man and for self. These have been trying years where I often
questioned the existence of Christ but through His unfailing love I was not
shaken. Also, by the grace of God I am
more determined to love and be at peace with those around me especially my
parents who also had their hardships in trying to raise me. Most importantly, I
am learning to love myself unconditionally; to unlearn everything that life has
taught me and truly believe the promises of God concerning my life.
I look forward to the future
with so much hope and optimism.
Whatever
were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I
consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ
Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage
that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my
own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ- the
righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ- yes, to know the power
of His resurrection and participation in his sufferings. (Philippians
3:7-10)
So, Father I am so grateful for
the gift of salvation which You have graciously bestowed upon me. Thank You for
new life in You. Thank You for your unconditional love, Your faithfulness and for always coming through for me.
May I continue to grow and live in You all the days of my life! Happy 7 years!
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