A Hard Decision- Part 3

With each day, week and month I felt much burdened by parenting him. He was growing more stubborn, more disrespectful, more ungrateful, more entitled! Apparently back home his grandmother calls him “The king that reigns”. So he probably felt like a king around here, being the only child and having all these privileges. All I needed from him was gratitude and respect. I tried teaching him mutual respect by sharing our chores, by encouraging him also that if he needed something and wasn’t able to do or get it, he should request and if I’m able I’d assist. It got to a point where it seemed that he found leverage in making me do stuff. I’d be busy doing something and he’d just stand there and ask me to get him something. Thinking that he didn’t understand this concept of mutual respect and assistance, I thoroughly explained that he just doesn’t go around telling adults to do things for him especially when they are busy and he is not doing anything. But he’d lie on the couch at times, while I’m busy in the kitchen or something, and still like a little god request me to get or do something for him. It was getting to a point of irritation. Why do you think life owes you so much!

Just when I thought I’ve had it, my neighbor would come unexpectedly at my place. Reatile’s face would change completely that my neighbor thought that I was abusive to him. Before my neighbor arrived, or any other person for that matter, Reatile and I would talk and laugh at his jokes. But as soon as people came over, Reatile would be upset and not talk to me afterwards. It was so overwhelming. He once told me that I never do for him what I do for my learners! I understood this was childish behavior and explained that what I do for him is already too much and I owe him nothing. Is this the life really that God has chosen for me? Should I suffer now because I always took His gifts for granted? Is it payback time now for being ungrateful for all that God does for me? Or is this one of the ways guilt messages are perpetuated for proving my worth?

As I was growing up my mother had already planned a life out for my sister and I as foretold by “a certain man”. I was the one who’d take care of “the family” while my sister would be the one who’d get married and venture out successfully into the world. With this knowledge embedded in me, I felt that it was my responsibility to take care of my extended family, probably part of the reason I took Reatile in. During the course of the year however, my mother would suggest that my cousins come to live with me. One of my cousins was kicked out of his school due to finances and it made perfect sense to mother that I leave whatever I was doing, and go school hunting for this teen male cousin of mine. She takes other people’s problems and she places them not only on herself but also on me. Fortunately, with the lot I was already dealing with I managed to escape the trap by refusing. She asked one of my aunts to let her child come live with me. My aunt was wise enough to decline the offer saying that “she want to raise her own children.” To mother it makes perfect sense that my space should be a charity house for her extended family. But when will I be able to grow on my own? To enjoy this season of my life whilst not having my own kids, to make purchases without having to feel guilty about other people’s children? To enjoy this little bit of salary that I get?