Things went well between Reatile and I although we had some
hiccups there and then. For instance, when he did something wrong and I
reprimanded his face would change- either because he’s upset or angry. That was
overwhelming for me as I couldn’t understand why someone would not take
responsibility for his wrong doings. But yet again he’s a child. Children don’t
have that type of mental ability to understand some of these things. I guess
the books I’ve read on parenting did no train me for such situations.
Reatile is an extremely funny boy and I enjoy his humor,
however, like all of us, there’s another side to him that frightens me. When
we’d walk in public places and I tried conversing with him he’d command me to
keep quiet. I thought it very rude especially with the fact that I took him out
and thought it would be a wonderful time to create special memories. I lost my
cool, shouting at him to not tell me what to do that a lady passing by
approached me and told me that’s not how a child is spoken to. Why is it okay
that these children can speak to us however they want to and when we retaliate
it ends up being our fault? Later in the evening I apologized for shouting at
him and stated that by him commanding me to keep quiet while trying to talk to
him made me really angry and I would appreciate it if he refrained from doing
that. He explained that in public places he’d rather keep quiet than talk but I
didn’t understand the logic behind that: Walk around the mall with someone
without talking and suddenly change when you get home? Should I be okay with
the fact that we’ll talk only when he feels like it even when we are at these
wonderful places?
Going out in public with him was never a pleasant
experience. We’d go to the mall, movies, marry-go-rounds yet he’d still prefer
to remain silent. I kept trying because I thought he still wasn’t accustomed to
that way of living and now he was exposed to all this. God’s Word taught me
that love is patient and kind, so even when I couldn’t understand his reactions
at times I could learn to be patient. In fact I love how this whole experience
taught me patience, to be able to empathize with another being.
As time went on I discovered that although Reatile is a
child, he had a right to be his own person, to have his own wishes, attitudes,
preferences, beliefs etc. Unfortunately he came to me having formed most of his
perspectives from his relationship with his mother and those in close contact
with him as he grew into a teenager. So it was a bit of hard work for me to exert
my influence. There was a time I bought snacks suggesting that we eat them in
the evening during a movie night. He asked if he could have some biscuits, I
said “no we are going to have them during our movie night” and suggested other
alternatives to eat for breakfast. He just took them, looked straight into my
eyes, and opened them slowly. He said he
didn’t want to watch the movie. I was appalled by his stubbornness yet having
to keep in mind that he had a right to be his own person. The goal was for us to
just make memories; I know as I grew up quality time with my parents was
something I greatly desired but never really had so I wanted to create that
with him. The fact that he could not respect my “No” as someone older than him
was overwhelming. Why am I taking care of a child who won’t even respect the
boundaries I set in the house? As I reprimand him for not listening, he sheds
tears, and I’m filled with guilt for “complaining about food.”
No comments:
Post a Comment