Hope Deferred

The effect of experiencing deception is that one tends to feel very stupid! Just yesterday Reatile, not meaning to do so, called me stupid. I know he didn’t mean it in a harmful way because were just having an ordinary conversation but I could not help but find myself in the same “spot” I used to be as a child. Though I tried to fight it by reminding myself of what God’s Word says about His children, I found myself drowning in a pool of despair as memories of the times I felt deceived came flooding over me. Am I stupid really, for falling in love with someone who gave me a fantasy? For believing that he’s a family man only to have him encourage fornication and prevent the life I desire to hold by drinking morning after pills. For thinking that he’s a man of prayer and clear convictions only to find out that he’s an abusive drunkard, a womanizer, a complete fraud! Does that not make me stupid? For having my home open to “unfortunate” children only to have them fabricating lies and feeling entitled to my generosity. Am I stupid really, for taking in a child, feeding him, getting him a proper school, sharing the Word of God with him? Is that how they all see me?

Ruminating on these thoughts gives me the false belief that God has forsaken me especially when one unfortunate event takes place after another. My best friend also experienced deferred hope when one day she got up to pray but ended up throwing her hand in the air because she was so tired from praying for the same thing! When God seems far He uses His people to reach out to us. They teach us to handle situations which we otherwise could not handle in a mature manner with respective boundaries. For example, when learners came to me with a sad and soppy story, the first thing I wanted to do was to save them even if it involved giving my money and inviting them to stay at my place. Later on I would find that the stories I was told were not entirely true. It reinforced the belief that I am indeed stupid and would not be able to make sound and rational decisions. However, I would have a colleague younger than me, who’d show me through her actions how best to handle such situations. There I am reminded that by observation and mentorship, I can unlearn certain patterns which make me fall prey to deception. It is grace that out of a twenty eight year old little girl God is growing an adult.

When nothing seems to make sense and all hope is gone, it is very important to remember that “God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, neither are His ways our ways” Isaiah 55:8. We want a comfortable life. If you look at society at its current state, spirituality is being replaced with comfort ability. The more we seek after comforts, the more our nation lose its spiritual morals and the fear of the Lord. Many of our church leaders are living in luxurious comforts but their souls are far from the Lord. We see it in the way they sexually abuse vulnerable girls in the congregation, we see it in their loose morality. They have all the comforts but they don’t have the Spirit of God. As individuals, Christ appeals to our very souls. He tells us that “anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:27) and the cross is heavy! It’s not always going to be vacations, flashy cars, obedient children- it might just involve lots of prayer, patience, waiting on God, and the suffering of the flesh. God’s thoughts are not our thoughts; His ways are not our ways. For as the heavens are higher than the earth so His ways higher than our ways. It’s not a problem for the Devil to give us flashy cars and business class tickets in a prestigious airplane because that’s his way of doing things. Ultimately he’s after our souls. What does it profit a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? (Mark 8:36)

When hope is deferred and human beings fail us, let us look to Jesus the Author and Finisher of our faith. Paul told the Philippians that “their attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant”. I'm sure most people thought that Jesus was stupid! We need to possess such absolute surrender in a deceitful, hateful world otherwise we will experience unending strife. We also need to understand that God is not behind the painful events we experience but he’s there to carry us through them. We need to keep in mind that God is greater than our disappointments and our feelings. He is greater than our hearts and He knows ALL things (1 John 3:20). We need to also keep hope alive by standing on His promises and believing He is faithful to bring them to pass despite the disappointments we’ve encountered. It is through such disappointments that we learn more about ourselves, about God, about people- and it is through them that we grow.