Enduring Loneliness

The past Friday I felt extreme loneliness. How was I going to survive the entire weekend! I thought of doing things to help ease the void and loneliness I felt. Nothing helped. Tinder. Why not find someone on Tinder I can pass time with and get rid of the loneliness. And so there I was downloading the app and creating a profile once again. After my experience of getting emotionally connected with people from dating apps and social media, I resolved to never seek love or companionship from people online. Yet there I was again compelled by loneliness to just try one more time.

Before creating the profile I prayed. I asked God for His protection and guidance. Personally; going on Tinder again was not the right thing for me but I felt that my happiness lies in my hands so I have to find a way to put myself at ease. Funny enough instead of viewing men’s profiles this time around, I went on to view women’s profiles. I wanted to see what kind of women are on Tinder. And…they’re beautiful, smart, well-traveled and all. I got a sense that there was no way I was going to compete with these women since the men I’d be talking to would also be talking to these women. And just like that I lost interest, deactivated my profile and deleted the app! I thank God for His guidance because deep down I knew that I was not supposed to return to Tinder. It’s a place for hookups mostly, a breeding ground for players and time wasters, a ton of fun for the non-committal, and a business opportunity for con-artists and scammers! All these deceivers posing as love seekers. 

That same time, I came across an article that helped me tremendously in overcoming the loneliness I felt. Such incidents re-affirm my belief that God is actively involved in our lives and wants to help us in every step we take. The young, inexperienced Christian me would have said, “Why would you go on Tinder! You must crucify your feelings and seek God more!” But now I know that even when we go through our feelings and experience them; we should never forget that God is ever present with us. We should never stop asking Him for protection, guidance, wisdom, and grace to help us in our life journey. I learn that I stopped “performing” in order for me to win God’s approval; my deeds don’t make Him bless me. He’s already blessed me inspite of me so I live freely knowing that I am His beloved daughter and I will give an account for the way I lived my life to Him some day. “Be cheerful and enjoy life while you are young! Do what you want and find pleasure in what you see. But don’t forget that God will judge you for everything you do” (Ecclesiastes 11:9). And it’s good to note C. S Lewis’ statement in Mere Christianity, that God does not judge us according to our behavior but according to our motives.

He knows that my motive for going on Tinder is a desire for love and companionship hence I stumbled upon that article right when I needed it. He was so compassionate and loving to me; knowing that I needed love but was not willing to receive His but went looking for it from the place I shouldn't have gone to. After reading that article I was able to shift my mind from feeling lonely to feeling empowered by writing the following statement:

I am very happy because I am comfortable with who I am and my solitude. I can spend many nights alone and bear the loneliness. I love being alone and taking myself out on dates. I focus on myself and on my goals. I know what I want and what is important to me, so I go for it. I’m a go-getter, I work on myself, I learn new things, I improve my skills, and I go after my dreams and make them true. My purpose in life has nothing to do with finding a man. I don’t chase after guys- I chase after my dreams and the future I’m striving to build for myself. I enjoy my single life. The idea that I might not get married does not scare me. This time of my life is not deafening but inspiring. When I meet someone to be in a relationship with, it is going to be someone who’ll challenge me and push me forward. Someone who’ll have my back and encourage me to conquer the world. Someone who’ll be proud and happy for my successes. Someone who’ll find it appealing that I don’t sacrifice myself and plans for him. Because I’m strong, I never loose myself in the process of loving someone. I won’t ever minimize my morals, hopes and dreams to match those of my partner’s. I’m going to be in a fulfilling happy relationship because I’m looking for someone who will add more happiness and joy in my life than I already have. I’m seeking someone who’ll make me feel even more loved and stronger than I am. Someone who’s fulfilled and happy on his own. I will wait patiently for such a relationship.

Saying this on a daily basis and really believing it helps me a great deal in enduring this season of my life.