Sanctification through Parenting

I’ve heard it said that marriage and parenting are two of the greatest sanctifiers, though widely desired by men and women alike, has the cost of carrying such a responsibility been counted?  Did I count the cost of parenting a child who’s not biologically mine? To add to that a boy, a teenage boy! I don’t think I did because if I had, honestly, I wouldn’t have placed such a responsibility upon myself. But I’m here now, committed to love and trusting God to carry me through it all. Parenting is not for wimps; and I’m convinced that the only way to do it successfully is when you have God as a Father and as a guide. In this blog, two ideas will be interconnected. One: my experience of being a parent, and two: mankind’s relationship to God as a Father. All this with the hope of amplifying what most responsible parents experience- sanctification.

Parenting is an overwhelming experience for me. I switch quickly between low and high moments, laughter and frowns, anger and joy! Sometimes it seems as if I am in control yet other times I lose it! I lose it when I feel that my efforts are unappreciated and the love I choose to give is taken for granted. The child’s gestures of ingratitude and a difficult temperament make me want to give up on him altogether. He had dozed off one evening on the couch, and having felt unease about him on that day, I gazed at him as he innocently slept. Stephen Covey’s words reverberated in my spirit, “Love is a verb. Love- the feeling- is a fruit of love- the verb.” A still small voice reassured me to continue loving him, to serve and sacrifice. To listen; to understand; and to empathize. Oh, why haven’t the books I read on parenting train me for such an experience! Guess it can only come through sanctification. I was reminded of the love of God. Many times we are difficult and ungrateful for all He’s done for us. “But he demonstrated His own love for us by sending His Son to die for us while we were still sinners”. (Roman5:8). He continually loves us even when we push Him away, when we blame him, when we don’t see His goodness in our lives. He is committed to love though He is rejected, and He calls us to share in His sufferings!

Often times when my child does something wrong and I reprimand him, he gives me the silent treatment. He wouldn’t mind going the entire day without speaking to me, and in all honesty it hurts. One morning after a mishap the previous day it just flashed on me that this boy was not being prideful by not talking to me, he was just afraid. I was reminded yet again of how we run away from God when we sin. We are aware of Him yet not free to approach Him because of the sin in our lives. We know that “God disciplines those He loves” (Hebrews12:6) so we’d rather cut off fellowship with Him instead of allowing Him to be a responsible Father who disciplines His children. So learning that he was afraid I took the first step in approaching him, and what a humble response! Doesn’t this sound familiar with the kindness of God that leads us to repentance (Romans2:4)? Children of God become broken when they sin and I guess it’s normal that they sometimes withdraw from His presence because they feel unworthy. But maybe that is what hurts more: instead of coming to Him in repentance they isolate themselves from fellowship. Yet in His goodness, God keeps initiating a relationship with us, calling us to repentance, and through discipline leading us to a higher life. He teaches parents to imitate Him.

One thing I have noticed about parents is that they are often misunderstood. “Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own”, said Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist. And this couldn’t be more applicable in parenting! I remember how I used to judge other parents and interfere when they disciplined their children! I thought they were being abusive and unloving by not allowing the child to get away with tantrums, moody dispositions, ingratitude and the likes. Now I’m not saying that some parents may not go overboard in their disciplinary style, especially because they don’t understand the objective of discipline, but we tend to misunderstand parents a lot. I was so shocked when a neighbor said to me that it seems as if I’m ill-treating the boy!! What a way to ruin my entire life!! As one who fears being an abusive parent this really got into me. I watched him through the transparent curtains as he was dancing and playing outside. He had just come from one of his many school trips and was excited. It kept bothering me; why would people think that I am mistreating him. But this was the same neighbor who discouraged me from reading the bible and praying with my boy. He said instead of telling him to study his school books, I was indoctrinating him with the Bible. It dawned on me that truly “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Ephesians 6:12). I gained strength and told myself that I will not be discouraged from doing what I believe is right!

How often is our Father also misrepresented by those who don’t have a relationship with Him! They call Him evil, cruel, angry, and anything horrible you can think of! But those who have a relationship with Him know that their Father is the epitome of love itself. They know that everything He does in their lives is for their good. They know that when they put themselves in trouble, He is an ever present Help! They know that He shares Himself with them, exchanging His righteousness and holiness for filthy rags! They know that He gives them a new foundation and makes everything new in their lives! They know He breaks the power of addiction to alcohol, failure and immorality. So they go on with Him. They believe in the goodness of His heart though misrepresented by many. And the wonderful thing about our Father is that He won’t relent from being the Parent that His children need, His purposes are firm! “Let God be true, but every man a liar” (Romans3:4). He calls us to such strength!