Release the past and go forward with Jesus!

I had a chat yesterday with a guy I was casually seeing years back. And to my surprise nothing had changed. He was still talking about sex, sex, sex! How it feels good to do this and that, blah, blah , blah. I had a choice to go with the flow and type words that he wants to hear from me or reprimand him there and then. I just asked him, why does everything have to be about sex? And he replied, don't you like it anymore? He went on to describe in detail the things that happen during sex. I just gave him the link to my blog and logged out. That chat got me thinking though, all day. I thought am I really honest with myself, do I sure not want all that to happen again. Because now clearly, if I am writing about waiting till I am married, then I should expect myself to wait as well, otherwise this whole thing will be in vain and will be a lie. And the truth always has a way of coming out hey. I got a bit discouraged and wondered, but when am I going to get married though? Will I even get married after all the guys I have been with! Am I only doing this now because I'm still high in the spirit. What if I get all alone, with no spiritual resources and church to go to, will I still be who I am right now? Will I still be telling people the same story?

When I got home from campus, for some reason that thought was still on my mind. I'ts like something  constantly reminded me that I cannot do it. I just cant, I am lying to myself. So now I started to think can God really forgive all my sins and forget about them and give me a new life just like that? Can I really hold on to this cross without kidding myself. I assume with the fear and doubt that the Devil had planted in my mind all day long, I went to bed and I had quite a scary dream. I dreamt that I was dying and wasn't sure whether I was going to heaven or hell. It was quite a scary dream, especially seeing that long road that you are walking towards to. You are walking, but you don't know where your final destination is. When I got up this morning, the prodigals son scripture was on my mind. I have read it many times before but I guess I still had to read it all over again for assurance.
When the son had left his father's place, thinking that he wise and too clever, he realised that he was living a life of pain and adversity. So he one day decided to go back to his father's house and tell him that he is not worthy, he doesn't mind just being a slave. The scripture in Luke 15 says,  
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate"

This revealed to me that no matter how low I feel of myself, God has never stopped loving me. The same plan and purpose that He had for me before I strayed away from Him years back, is the same plan and purpose He still has for me. The devil is a liar! I asked myself, why do I still entertain all these people from the past, because all that Satan does is use them to doubt myself.  The devil wants you to give up! He wants you to doubt your ability to believe and serve God! Nothing can stand between you and God once you wholeheartedly follow his plan! The devil wants to grip you with fear and confusion and lies, The devil is a liar!! He fills your mind with lies and if you believe them He has control over you! I had to remind myself, that this is not a game, God is serious about me. Now the devil has absolutely no power or authority to keep me from steadily progressing in my walk toward Christ! He can never again own me, because I have been redeemed by Jesus Christ and I am forever in Him.

 When you feel like you can no longer do  it, remind yourself of what God has done for you. I always tell my Jesus that I am tired of having to bear the punishment of my sins. That I am tired of not going forward. That the burden of this world is too much for me. People talk about His love all over the world, people talk about the miracles he perform, can I also experience that love! So I am coming back to Him.Can I also see him moving me forward with great miracles. I have learnt to never go back to my past. If all that someone has to tell  me is sex and getting drunk, then I remove them instantly out of my way. I don't have time to entertain lies that will bring about destruction in my life! I always say this, but its because Jesus has to remind me each morning. The day you chose to follow Jesus and abandon the things of this world, you chose a great life for yourself! God has amazing things in store for you! Wont you just trust him? I love you my King Jesus , You are all that I live for!