Do Not Settle

This blog is special to me as I’ve put much thought and prayer preceding its publishing.  With an unclear picture on how to begin and how to arrange the words in a way that will help you extract meaning, I ask the Holy Spirit to guide me as I write whilst enlightening you as you read.

Continuing sharing the lessons I learned in 2016, I would like to share my experience with two guys I allowed in my life last year. One was very good with words which impressed me a lot! I was also fascinated by the fact that he came across as someone who respects women since he never made forceful sexual advances on me. I place much emphasis on this because from an early age life taught me that my body was just an object to be used so even in adulthood I had difficulties turning off relentless sexual advances. Seeing that he considered me as a life partner and not just for momentary bliss was very impressive to me.

The second guy had the physical qualities that I find attractive in a man; tall, muscular, deep voice, and to top that up studying what I consider a prestigious course. Despite all that, our communication was non-existent therefore we seldom enjoyed spending time together. His intense interest in me was overwhelming considering the attraction I had for him, and besides I never experienced persuasion from men in his caliber (you know everyone has their “type”). Not knowing how to handle the attention, I found myself blushing, giggling, and enjoying his advances.

These guys both had qualities that I like in a man. One was wise and the other one was physically attractive. However, both of them led me away from the Lord with one questioning and challenging my beliefs and the other leading me to fornication.  There was a constant battle between my flesh and my spirit which caused prolonged states of sorrow, regular visits to a psychologist, doubts about my salvation, and thoughts of ways to exit this world. All this took place because I had settled.

Many reasons come to the surface as I explore why I had settled but the core reason was the belief that I am not worthy of love. I settled because I was not accustomed to having a man relentlessly pursue me. Saying “no” would feel like betrayal, I mean, they’re showing interest in me after all. Who shows interest in me with my past always crippling me to think low of myself? When I’ve had men whom at best, tolerated me and at worst made me feel unworthy of love.  Who shows interest in someone who fears that “no man will ever love her because she is fat”? Who shows interest in someone who’s told she’s “clingy”, to “go find his father”, that “her laugh is annoying” or her “fingers are too small therefore not even marriage material”.  Who shows interest in an awkward being who feels that men are doing her a favor when they pursue her? Guilt and fear kept me in a state of always settling, until I learned to embrace my new identity which I wrote about in my previous blog.

I’m currently living in a very small town and to my shock literally everyone around me seems to be showing interest in me. Had I not gone through the experience of having those two guys in my life and the consequences thereof, the shock would have led me to settling once again. I would find myself at the end of the year disgracefully counting the number of guys I gave myself to simply because they smiled at me or called me “beautiful” or “baby”. I would be flattered by their chocolates and their balloons and their empty Shakespearean sonnets not knowing that having a life partner is based solely on purpose, vision, and spiritual agreement.

2016 taught me that people know what they want and if you are perplexed about your identity or destiny, you will become an object that they’ll trample on to get what they want. We should possess the confidence to set our standards according to God’s Word and not allow temporary loneliness or fleeting compliments cause us to settle. There are many more Christians who are waiting on God in this regard. Mere interest from the opposite sex doesn’t necessarily mean we should respond, let them all line up and wait until you are peaceful about entering a relationship.

Don’t allow anyone too close to you with a flattering tongue but their actions say something else. Avoid people who are just looking for an opportunity to fornicate with you as this will prevent you from experiencing joy, righteousness and peace in your spiritual walk. Most importantly, refrain from entertaining those who bluntly oppose the Gospel of Christ with their limited worldly wisdom which is foolishness to God, as this will place in a state of confusion. Purpose in your heart whom you will serve. I have decided to follow the Lord Jesus Christ and I will not waver from my decision regardless of what comes my way. He has graciously blessed me with the faith that one day I will meet him face to face, and this is my highest hope and joy in life. I hope I will find that I have laid treasures for myself in heaven when I hear His precious Words, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”