It’s surprising to see how a lot of people hold on to
something that happened many years ago! People are not on speaking terms
because of something that happened three, four, five years ago! I know it’s not
nice because all you do when you come across or even think about that person,
your anger builds up again! It is impossible to let go off your anger, disappointment,
or even an addiction if you don’t have Jesus in your life! In my previous blog
I mentioned how from an early age I became consumed with anger, bitterness and
hatred towards people! With all of us it’s never really intentional, or our
fault, but the environment we lived in and the people we lived with! Adults don’t
talk to children, adults swear and speak negatively to children, hell, adults
even fight with children! The kind of attitude one develops is this: Why should
I be good when everyone around me is bad? Why should I maintain peace when all
everybody does is take advantage of me? Yea, why should I give when they take
everything that I have without remorse! The more we think about it the angrier
we become! It’s easy to recite and meditate on bad encounters but that has no
progress in your spiritual life! (Do not
let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a
foothold! Ephesians 4:26-27). Even if you have every right to be angry, anger
gives the devil a foothold in your life, preventing you from moving forward
with Jesus! All that anger does is build up around the walls of your heart,
suffocating you and disabling you from seeing the good in other, the goodness
of God, and His plan behind all that has happened in your life!
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the
Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end!
What anger did to me
One day while sitting with my mum I found myself thinking,
“Ughr just wanna get outta here and go have sex!” I still think of that because
it makes me cringe, I do not know what was up with me! Couldn’t I choose to go
do something better like watch TV or sing or something? I have discovered now
that anger is interrelated with strange sexual habits! You’ll find that most
people who haven’t dealt with their anger are holding onto a filthy habit that
helps them release their anger! The ease is only for a moment so they have to
keep repeating the habit until they become totally dependent on it! I was so
angry with my mum, with every word that she said to me, so I disliked being
around her too! Sex makes people feel “powerful”. At least when somebody close
to me makes me feel inferior I can go out there and use my “sex power” to
manipulate men! Girls sleep around because they know that no worldly man can
resist sexual temptation! They expect the men they sleep with to help them deal
with their anger by loving and accepting them, but a worldly man is just going
to stick around for a while until he’s tired of you and leaves, and guess what,
leaving you angrier! People who don’t allow Jesus to deal with their anger are
more prone to sexual addictions! Masturbation, sleeping around with every man,
incest, orgies, adultery, pornography, and any other sexual sin you can think
of! The most outspoken people who practice such things are the ones who are secretly
breaking down inside because they don’t want to admit that they have a problem!
They even try to convince people that what they are doing is normal, and yet,
it’s not! Sleeping around should not be normal it should be disgusting! Sexual
addiction has a root, and that root is unresolved anger and bitterness that has
accumulated in one’s life! No psychiatrist, psychologist, or motivational speaker
can deal with that root but Jesus Himself! He understands you, He knows what
you have been through, He knows why you keep repeating the same habit, and He
can really free you from all the anger! Now what seems like a problem is this:
Jesus doesn’t rush when He works in you, but people want a quick remedy, they
want help now! You’ve read my story how I ran to the gym because everything
that Jesus wanted to do just seemed so slow! I wanted to be free from anger yet
please the devil with my sin? Would you agree with me if I said that clearly
healing was not guaranteed in that case? The devil still had power over my
heart, my life and my feelings! God wants all of you not just some parts, so
that He can work with all that you are and make you brand new as if there was
no anger that ever existed in you! It takes time, it takes patience, and it
takes determination to want to be free! How long will you allow you unresolved
anger to be the cause of your risky sexual behaviour? How long will you depend
on masturbation for healing until you allow God to make you free and holy? How
long do you want to use sex as power, and your naked body to manipulate men
while you are dying in the inside? (And that, knowing the time, that now it is
high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we
believed. Romans 13:11)
Jumping from one relationship to another…
The anger that I possessed from all the unfair treatment I
experienced in life made me feel insecure and incapable of being who God
created me to be! I always wanted somebody I could depend on, preferably a man!
I would hop from one relationship to another hoping that somebody could
understand me! The relationships did not last however, because all those men
came with their own baggage and unresolved anger, hence we could not be make
each other whole! We think that we are in love when most of the time all we
need is a source to help us leash out what is inside! For instance, sex becomes
the only communication between “lovers”. When it’s all said and done they have
nothing to say to each other besides, “I love you, see you tomorrow for another
round”! When the spark and chemistry is over they leave you because they want
something better than what you can offer them anymore! People are unconsciously
looking for a source that can help them deal with all the bad things they have
experienced! Parents passing away, not having a dad around, having parents who
don’t care about you, being badly treated by relatives, and so on! The other
day late at night my housemate came over to my room offering me wine! Of course
I politely refused without sounding judgmental! “Enjoy your wine”, I said
while he pulled the door behind me! “Yea, it’s the only comfort I have”, was
his reply! I asked him why does he say that and he said, “My parents passed
away, and I’m the one taking care of my siblings, so yea, wine is the only
comfort I have!” Of course he wanted me to feel sorry for him and have the pity
party with him, but who doesn’t go through bad experiences? A wise person knows
that trying to get a girl drunk so that you can sleep with her and ease your
pain is not the solution, but Jesus is! Jesus is the true source of help and
nothing else! I have allowed him to do a mighty work in me, and he has enabled
me to little by little forgive my mother, and everybody else who hurt me in the
past! When the bad memories come, I don’t run to alcohol or masturbation this
time, Jesus has taken the wheel and it feels so awesome to be under His mercy!
(Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of
God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Romans 13:1). God has ordained
Jesus as a Christians higher power!
No comments:
Post a Comment