"Whoever loses their life for my sake will find it."

The fifteenth of every month is such a special date for me because it was the day I re-dedicated my life to Jesus! What a great decision I had made, obeying God's call! I remember a few days after re-dedicating my life to Jesus I said softly to myself, with a victim mentality if I may add: I guess just like it takes long to put on weight, it also takes longer to shed it off again! Surely it is like that with God! As long as it took me to sin and play around in the world, it will also take longer for God to start working in my life! God said to me in a small still voice, "Titi my child! Do not limit me!" From that day on I learned never to compare God to the world! His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts!

As I close the chapter for this month, I just want to illustrate the calling of God together with the reason I cut my hair!

I've always had beautiful natural hair and when I decided to shave it off the people around me were unhappy! They thought I was making a huge mistake because that hair gave me the "beauty" or the appeal that I had! What they did not know is the fact that my hair wasn’t growing in proportion! It was longer on other parts of my head but shorter on the others! I always tried to hide it with hair extensions or weaves and braids, but it became worse as soon as I took them off! Some girls will know! For many years I knew that I had to cut my hair in order for it to grow properly but I was reluctant because I just didn’t want to let go! I used every product I knew of that could help grow my hair back again and yes they worked, but they worked only temporarily! It came to a point where I didn’t have much hair at the back of my head and I knew right then and there that I had to take it off! I took a pair of scissors and began cutting it off! My house mates were curious and amazed asking me why I am doing such a thing! For a moment while listening to them I thought that I was doing the wrong thing but deep in my heart I knew that I was doing the right thing so I just continued cutting without listening to them! When my housemate finished the job later on with a razor machine, I sat there and thought of God's calling in my life!

For ten years God had been calling me into his divine plan but I did not want to obey because I was satisfied with where I was and I could not just imagine myself not doing the things that I enjoyed doing or living a different kind of life! I felt that it would be such a loss to cut out the friends I was hanging out with, the guys I was seeing or the habits I was involved in! But just like my hair which was not in proportion, my life was not in proportion! I was sad and hurting all my teenage years and nobody knew nothing about it! I went through life depressed, empty and unfulfilled! I lived with guilt, fear, shame and so much condemnation! Like the products that could grow my hair temporarily, I also had things that could make me happy just for a moment! And i swear it was only temporary happiness! A glass of whiskey could just give me temporary happiness! A man could just make me feel good temporarily! Passing a subject could just make me dance temporarily! Everything was temporary! At the end of it all, I still wasn’t enough, I needed more happiness and I'd spend nights crying wondering what could be wrong with me! Refusing to obey God's call brought nothing but pain in my life!

I came to a point where I was enough! Where the water from the world could not satisfy me and I called unto the LIVING WATERS and he fulfilled every area of my life! I am saying this with tears in my eyes because Jesus promised me that I will never thirst again and he sticked to His promise! I said Jesus, whatever the cost I will follow you! I will disappoint people around me, I will be mocked, I will be hated but right now I am choosing to follow you!  You promised that you came that I may have life and life abundantly! It was hard for me to cut off my hair but I believed that moment on when I took those pair of scissors that it will grow into something more beautiful again! It was also really difficult for me to open the door for Jesus in my heart but I did it anyway believing that He will come in and make my life better! Jesus gave me a new life and He made it better! When I cut off my hair the people around me were not happy and when I walked into God's plan, they were not happy! I know that for me to walk in God's divine plan, I cannot live my life to please people! I am looking at the cross!

If God calls you, come out and leave everything behind, it is not easy but is really worth it! I have never felt so much joy in my life and each day is a great day! Obey Jesus; His goal for you is abundant life! Right now I may not be "pretty" to the world because I don’t have hair, but deep in my soul I radiate with God's beauty! I may not be popular to the world because I decided to follow Jesus, but I know that my life will turn out to be great!!! God is making something beautiful in my life, I lost my life to gain it back again! A different arena with my King! I am a princess and I am seated in royalty! Hallelujah!

As I anticipate the growing of my hair each day, I also anticipate the great things God has in store for me! I love my King Jesus; He has blessed me so much!

 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it!!~Jesus

Jesus you are worthy my Lord of my praise and worship! I am caught in your infinite embrace, caught in the rhythm of your grace! I' am so excited about my new life! Thank you Daddy for your love that always abounds in me and around me! I love you King Jesus! Amen!