In my first few days of being newly appointed at work I met a male colleague who like everybody else in this town showed interest in me. He came across as genuine. He usually invited me to have lunch at his office and offered to drop me off at my place after work. In our conversations he always urged me to visit him at his place, so to return his kind gestures on one particular day I agreed. When we got to his place he offered me custard and food which I thankfully received. When he was done eating he closed the door, took off his shirt and trousers, and lay on his bed scrolling through the television channels. I was gob smacked by the whole scenario my heart pacing yet externally remained calm.
After a while he came over to me attempting to kiss me but I refused, he nagged that we sit on his bed together and watch a movie but I told him that I needed to leave. It began raining heavily and I felt like I was trapped in that room! He pulled me forcefully to his bed trying to rub his hands all over me. He tried by all means to get his hands in my private area but I sternly opposed him, pushing him backwards and spitting on his face. This went on for some time until I helplessly laid there, listening to his annoying sounds, his sweat dropping on my face as he dry humped me. I had never been able to resist in such a situation so at that moment I felt like just giving it up so that he could leave me alone. That familiar emotion of the past emerged so I felt dirty, I felt like men will never see me as someone worthy of love but an object to be used, I was tempted to just give it up. Women desire love, they want to be desired too. And sometimes when they have sex with a man who sexually desires them they believe that they will retain their worth in his eyes. However, that’s hardly the case. As Helen Andelin stated, “No man appreciates sex which can be had so readily. It is simply too cheap.”
Several times in the process I felt like letting my guard off, feeling that it’s almost over let me just give him what he wants but I knew I would be left feeling undignified and unworthy. After he climaxed I took my bags and in the rain, walked right ahead to the backseat of his car without looking or talking to him. We always give such men the benefit of the doubt thinking that their good deeds are ways to seek friendship but they have ulterior motives. They equate sex to the price of custard. Martin Luther King stated that, “Jesus recognized that his disciples would face a difficult and hostile world. He knew that they would meet cold and arrogant men whose hearts had been hardened by the long winter of traditionalism. So he said to them, “Behold I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves”. And he gave them a formula for action: “Be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” In the modern age I see a need for women to take heed of this command and put it to action because we will meet self-seeking, immature sexual predators whose manhood is measured by the number of women they have slept with. He attempted to contact me several times so I prayed about it and asked God to give me wisdom on how to handle it. On the one hand I’m looking at the fact that he is a child of God who really does not know what he’s doing, and on the other I am disgusted by what he did. So I found a way to be polite while making it clear that I wanted nothing to do with him. He sent a message saying, “Ma’m I’m sorry if I did anything wrong, it’s just that I love you so much.” Love is patient and kind, it is not self-seeking yet people want to use us and claim that it’s love, what a distorted view! I replied, “I am very disappointed at what you did, from now onward I will have no contact with you, and I hope you’ll respect that.” That meant that I was losing the free ride from work every day, but it was okay, I won’t compromise myself for convenience.
The following day when I saw him at work I was frightened for some reason. He was laughing with other colleagues, talking, just being so pretentious about who he really is, or maybe that’s who he is but I chose not to see the real him. A day later he didn’t pitch for work. Days went on without me seeing him until in the staff room the principal made us aware that two of our foreign teachers (which is him and another teacher) have not been permitted to carry on working in the school by the department. I didn’t know how to feel, excited that he’s gone, or sad that my other colleague won’t have the means to survive with no work. The principal said that he would try by all means to get them back to work but eventually the department would have to decide. A couple of weeks after we’ve given up on them to come back to school I see the other teacher at work, so I asked what he was doing at school. He said that he had come back to work. “What about Mr so and so”, (asking about that colleague who tried to have sex with me) and he said he knew nothing about him. We’re already in the fourth month of the year and to this day he has never returned to work. This incident showed me that God always protects His daughters who can’t speak up for themselves, what’s even more He makes them courageous to be able to stand up for themselves! God fights for His daughters even when earthly fathers make them feel that it’s their fault that they are being abused or when they don’t even bother to take measures against perpetrators- He takes that responsibility upon Himself.
God’s love enabled me to receive a new identity. I am no longer that scared little girl (even in my mind as an adult) who seeks validation from men. I’m no longer looking to my earthly parents to protect me from harmful men because I have a heavenly Father who gladly does so but I'm required to play my role by applying wisdom. Be ye wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. The verse from Isaiah 2:22 resonate deeply with me because it says, “Stop trusting in man, who is but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?” I believe that being wise as a serpent yet harmless as a dove means setting protective boundaries for yourself, removing any person in your life whose agenda is just to misuse you, and being wise about the kind of persons you allow in your life. Have mental strength and at the same time be tender-hearted. Love yourself enough to say no to the people or situations that force you to compromise your salvation.