Monday, 19 November 2012

When loneliness creeps in!

I attended a dinner function at Woodlands hosted by my sister, with a couple of her friends! Such great food I had there!!! By the way, this was after 6pm!!It really looked beautiful and was enjoyable with all the candles and flowers and great food for somebody who had only been having one meal per day for the past three days! My sister’s friends brought their boyfriends along and they were all lovey dovey, and I was like uuhh ohkayy, I am single! We discover a lot of things about us when we get out of our comfort zone or the monotonous life we live and go out there with different people! And I discovered that I was feeling lonely at that time! I felt like I also needed a boyfriend! I just wanted to get to my room and pray because my thoughts were on the guy God told me that he’s not the one for me! I wanted to text him, tell him I’m thinking about him, wanted to send him pictures and tell him what was happening in my life! Honestly I wanted to make myself believe that I did not hear God properly and it won’t hurt if I just did what I want to do!  “No, hes not the one!” It kept echoing in my mind until I knew that instead of disobeying God, I should rather talk to Him and tell Him how I feel! 

That evening was difficult for me because I am trying to focus my eyes on God and not a man!  The Holy Spirit told me that yes, it is good that I am looking forward to a great life with a man who will love me unconditionally but that shouldn’t be my primary goal! I should actually be very content with the fact that I might not have sex again! Basically I should shift my mind from the anticipation of finding a man to seeking more of God’s will for my life! It is not easy at all, but Jesus promises to take you through the process!  (Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived,
no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him. Isaiah 64:4)! The aim is not to rush God to get things done but to wait patiently for Him and while we wait we worship and fix our eyes only on Him!

Walking in God’s plan is different to walking in your own agendas! If God has put people in your life He has put them for a reason and for His own plan and not your own, don’t try and force things and start imagining things that were not there! Forcing your agenda will obstinate God’s awesome plan for your life and that’s not what you want! That involves relationships too! My plan was to get married after three years, go to my honeymoon and do everything I’ve always wanted to do in this life, but what is God’s plan? (We may make our plans, but God has the last word.Proverbs16:1)! That’s why fasting is so important because it will get you so dependent on God that your vision will be clear, otherwise we will be led by our own desires! Immerse yourself in God! Your desires will make you believe that you are on the right path but you don’t live according to your desires, you walk by God’s orders, Gods plan, which is not to harm you by the way! Be highly dependent on Him because you know nothing! 

I watched as my sisters friends were held by their boyfriends, as one of them were carried on his back, and the other wiping his boyfriend’s shirt which was spilled with wine!  Yes, all of that seemed great but I know for a Christian woman who's walking in God's plan it has to be in the right context! I do hope that my candle light dinners with my husband will come, the bubble baths and back rubs and everything else, but I am not going to do anything to force it now, I am going to wait for God and trust in His perfect timing! (Seek your happiness in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desire. Psalm 37:4)

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