The winter season seems to pose quite a number of problems for many singles with regards to the biological need for intimate companionship. I am certain that I am representing the mass singles in the Christian community because just like everyone else we desire companionship more especially in this cold!! In the summer we put our pens down and tell God to write our love story and when winter comes we pick them up again. I live in a mixed gender commune and that’s where I’ve faced most sexual challenges. Healthy, non-sexual relationships in communes between mixed genders are rare because instead of growing into flourishing friendships, people see the need to sleep with each other. You’ll find an individual going around sleeping with all his housemates because the presence of the opposite sex to him entails a sexual relation. Though they have partners whom they are committed to, I have experienced sexual persuasion from some of my house mates. In the past I never had to be in a relationship in order to have sex, it was just an activity- and sadly many perceive it that way. So, I admit; I’m still easily persuaded by those I’m fond of. I enjoy the attention they give, the sweet words, their services…
“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”~1 Peter5:8
Satan employs his agents to be a stumbling block to God’s servants who are then readily deceived. They see sexual persuasion and flattery outside of marriage as cute while it only leads to fornication. We are deceived because we don’t have the same attitude of disgust towards sin as our Savior does. There is nothing cute about sin for it is the wages of death.
I have grown quite close with a housemate whom I’ve lived with for over two years now. For months we’ve shared deep communication and mutual understanding of each other. Recently it got to a point where we didn’t mind laying on bed talking and cuddling. It felt good. Though I knew he is in a long term committed relationship it felt good to be held, to be validated, and to be kept warm. Many Christians claim to be single yet go around shacking up and sleeping with other people’s partners, living as side chicks yet claiming to be of royalty. What kind of testimony are we revealing to the world when there is no clear distinction between the way they date and behave and the way we do? I’ve slept over at my housemate’s room for two nights, fortunately we didn’t have sex because I was on my period. However, if circumstances were different chances are very great that I would have fornicated. Again- I didn’t go to his room with the intention to have sex, I just longed for company, I longed to be held, to be told I’m beautiful, to be in the arms of a man. When I left his room in the morning, seen by my other housemates I would convince myself that I don’t care what their thoughts are about me because I know that I didn’t have sex with anybody. Yet deep in my heart I knew the example I was setting as a praying woman, a Christian, a cell leader was not in line with God’s will. We must be careful that what we do or say doesn’t keep others from coming to the Lord. Like the Apostle Paul said, “Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall” (1Corinthians8:13).
We can choose to obey God’s word for we are deceived when we just read the word and not obey what it says. We can be full of scripture in our heads but full of disobedience in our hearts. We can be so full of opinion and criticism yet have no experience with the living God. We are deceived once again when we go to church every Sunday but don’t practice what we hear. Gold told the prophet Ezekiel, “My people come to you, as they usually do, and sit before you to hear your words, but they do not put them into practice. Their mouths speak of love, but their hearts are greedy for unjust gain. Indeed, to them you are nothing more than one who sings love songs with a beautiful voice and plays an instrument well, for they hear your words but do not put them into practice.”(Ezekeiel33:31-32).
Shacking up with my housemate was a clear indication that I was on that familiar route to sin. In my weakness I asked a dearest friend to come stand with me in prayer. As much as I enjoyed the warm sensations I felt, and as much as it was hard to break the habit, I had to do it because I was consciously on the route that leads to spiritual death. We often ruin good friendships when we engage in immoral acts outside of marriage. We can always choose to do the right thing not only when we are gathered with other believers, but also when we are alone in our rooms. The Lord is full of mercy. He won’t allow the devil to use our weaknesses against us. In the midst of it all He strengthens us and keeps our fire burning. “He is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.” (Hebrews7:25). Watchman Nee said beautifully, “Outside of Christ, I am only a sinner, but in Christ I am saved. Outside of Christ I am empty, In Christ I am full. Outside of Christ I cannot, In Christ I am more than able. Outside of Christ I have been defeated, In Christ I am already victorious.” I am blessed with a friend whom I can confide in. In the early hours of the morning we hold hands and cry out to our Savior, declaring that together in Christ we have the victory! The past doesn’t have to repeat itself, I am no longer a slave to fornication- that is just not in me anymore.
Those who lure us to sin come with enticing words, “You’re human”. Yes, I am human but a human being chosen by God. Therefore I live according to His Word. The writer of proverbs in chapter 5 warns his son against adultery. He clearly states that the woman who entices his son to commit adultery has lips of honey with a speech smoother than oil. It’s the same with us too. Before committing fornication our enticers say and do all the right things, and if we are not walking in the Spirit or are not accountable to anyone we will fall right into it. And although her lips are as honey, “In the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.”(Proverbs5:4-5). Ultimately, that’s where sexual sin leads to- death. Building self-esteem has become a substitute for serious moral reasoning and self-examination! Sadly, we are deceived when we think that the unrighteous will inherit the kingdom of God.