I’ve been doing a lot of crying in prayer for the past
couple of days, yep, I am a very emotional person! My mum says that I used to
cry a lot when I was young and my sister was very sweet and very quiet! This
crying for me is necessary especially when I sit at Jesus’ feet! (Humble
yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up! James4:10) In
God’s plan, your weeping and mourning will in fact intensify because you
discover that you want to become less of who you are, you despise the flesh
that is at work in you, and desire to be led and guided every second by the
Holy Spirit!
All of a sudden, I developed a fear of living a transparent
life for Jesus! I call it good fear now, because it has kept me focused on nothing
or no one else but God! This fear constantly keeps you on your knees, it makes
you make a way for prayer wherever you are and in everything you do! This fear
keeps you alert and drives you away from giving in to daily temptations that
come your way! You just want to be pure and spotless for God, even if it has to
take intense fasting and praying non-stop throughout the day! This fear makes
you so hungry for more of God to a point where it hurts, where your hunger and
thirst are so intense that all you can do is sit in His presence in the midnight
and cry out, “Abba Father, fill me!”
I know of many Christians who are experiencing this kind of
fear, a fear of living a “loud” life for Jesus! One day on campus I stood with
a couple of my classmates waiting for the rain to stop so that we could proceed
to our rooms and some to their buses! We stood there and they were making jokes
and talking about a lot of things! Jesus is looking for an odd somebody, a
peculiar one in the crowed! Somebody asked me something which just led me to
telling them about Jesus and how good He is! The environment got so tense, the
laughter became still and everybody had their eyes on me! Although I have
forgotten everything that I uttered I always remember this one guy who laughed
asking me a sarcastic question! I felt so awkward, but yes, Jesus is looking
for an odd person! Somebody who can just stand up and say women, there is more
to life than this! There is more to life than getting drunk every day or trying
to fulfil your unending sexual desires that are never quenched! Jesus is
looking for somebody who will shake the comfortable world and boldly state: I
am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto
salvation to everyone that believeth! (Romans1:16) Not many Christians do this
because they’d rather be quiet and not judged or persecuted or laughed at! When
I was talking about Jesus, some girl took out her bible and waved it in the
air! I interacted with her all year but either none of us knew that we were
born again Christians, so all our talks revolved around school, food, clothes,
TV programs and all these things that don’t matter! If you expect to tell me
about the fun you had at your party last night please don’t be shocked when I
tell you about the awesome time I had with my Jesus yesterday in the middle of
the night! If you can pose in public holding your beer bottle please don’t be
shocked when I pose in public holding the sword of the Spirit which is my
bible!
Christians are scared to speak up about Jesus because they
have a fear that what they say might not be right or people will persecute
them! But the bible says, “Blessed are
they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of
heaven.” Math 5:10! You have to be persecuted, it is your right as a Christian and
you must delight in it! All these pastors and messengers of God I’ve read about
are constantly being persecuted! Non-believers and others who claim to be
Christian will always find fault in everything you say! They will take it personally to point out that
one mistake you said or did while they should be working out their own
salvation! Christian, understand that you are a work in progress, God is
pruning you! You are not always going to say the right things, you are not
always going to please people, and yes you will always have people trampling on
you and trying to bring you down, but that is the whole process! You will get
there someday, if it’s not on this earth, it will be in heaven where everything
and everyone is perfect!
 |
| This is Lerato, the girl who waved her bible! |
I cried out to God in agony telling Him how scared I am of
what I’m doing! Why did He chose me to do this, is it all for a purpose, a
reason? I mean I’m making a lot of mistakes and I don’t think I’m doing it
right!! And the Holy Spirit comforts me and personally tells me that I’ve only
been seven months in this, surely there are days, months, and years ahead of me
to get to that certain place! Just do what you have been commissioned to do, “Go
throughout the whole world and preach this gospel to all creatures! Be
determined and confident, I am with you wherever you go!” If people want to
always find fault in you, it’s fine, leave them and continue shinning your
light for Jesus! (Ye are the light of
the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Math5:14) How do you
get saved and remain quiet about such a lovely experience, how do you allow
others who are blinded by their own sin perish while you enjoy life in
preparation for heaven! Do what you have to do now! (Let your light so shine
before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is
in heaven. Math 5:16) You don’t have to wait years before God can start using
you, work your way through your imperfections! Writers, write! Preachers,
preach! Singers, sing! Leaders, lead! Its your time now to shine for Jesus!
I find that once you start living a transparent life for
Jesus you learn a lot about yourself! You become more dependent on God as you
see how imperfect and dirty you are yourself that you won’t even have time and
the energy to look at somebody and say, you are doing this and that yet you
call yourself Christian! When you live a transparent life for Jesus you won’t
always have to find fault with what other believers are saying or doing because
you understand full well that God is not finished with them yet! Those are just
tendencies for non-believers! A Christian should be running his own race and
focusing on his own life while doing the work of the Father!
I went through Joel Osteen’s daughter’s twitter profile the
other day and this fear I had returned! I wondered, I’m always updating about
Jesus and here is this girl, a pastor’s child, only updating about parties,
concerts and movies!!! I asked myself, could I be overdoing it! Could I be one
of the hypocrites who just want to show everybody that I am saved, should I
stop and also find something worldly to update about, or should I just remain
quiet about this wonderful experience? Should I remain quiet about this wonderful Man that I have found? The
Holy Spirit told me that we are different! We grew up with different
experiences and she has her own praise just like I have mine! It doesn’t mean
now when a pastor’s child or anybody spiritual doesn’t say anything about Jesus
I also have to remain silent! See, seven months ago I was bound by depression,
I was bound by sexual immorality, I was bound by guilt and fear of the future,
I was a no body and here comes this Man who offers freedom and abundant life!
(Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom! 2Corinth 3:17) How can I possibly keep my mouth shut?
You were saved to preach the gospel and bring the world to
Christ with your personal testimony! God can only do through you what He’s done
to you! And yes, our tasks might not be similar, and our personalities might
also differ, but you were called to testify! People will talk, they have always
talked, forget about them, it’s between you and God! When you feel like you are
not good enough, that’s when you are actually good enough! When you feel like
you want to give up, that’s when a breakthrough is coming out! When something
great is happening and souls are being won for the kingdom, that’s when people
will talk, and not only people outside the church, even those in the church,
even your closest friends and family! Don’t get discouraged, run the race and
fight the good fight in Jesus’ name!
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