I’ve been doing a lot of crying in prayer for the past couple of days, yep, I am a very emotional person! My mum says that I used to cry a lot when I was young and my sister was very sweet and very quiet! This crying for me is necessary especially when I sit at Jesus’ feet! (Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up! James4:10) In God’s plan, your weeping and mourning will in fact intensify because you discover that you want to become less of who you are, you despise the flesh that is at work in you, and desire to be led and guided every second by the Holy Spirit!
All of a sudden, I developed a fear of living a transparent life for Jesus! I call it good fear now, because it has kept me focused on nothing or no one else but God! This fear constantly keeps you on your knees, it makes you make a way for prayer wherever you are and in everything you do! This fear keeps you alert and drives you away from giving in to daily temptations that come your way! You just want to be pure and spotless for God, even if it has to take intense fasting and praying non-stop throughout the day! This fear makes you so hungry for more of God to a point where it hurts, where your hunger and thirst are so intense that all you can do is sit in His presence in the midnight and cry out, “Abba Father, fill me!”
I know of many Christians who are experiencing this kind of fear, a fear of living a “loud” life for Jesus! One day on campus I stood with a couple of my classmates waiting for the rain to stop so that we could proceed to our rooms and some to their buses! We stood there and they were making jokes and talking about a lot of things! Jesus is looking for an odd somebody, a peculiar one in the crowed! Somebody asked me something which just led me to telling them about Jesus and how good He is! The environment got so tense, the laughter became still and everybody had their eyes on me! Although I have forgotten everything that I uttered I always remember this one guy who laughed asking me a sarcastic question! I felt so awkward, but yes, Jesus is looking for an odd person! Somebody who can just stand up and say women, there is more to life than this! There is more to life than getting drunk every day or trying to fulfil your unending sexual desires that are never quenched! Jesus is looking for somebody who will shake the comfortable world and boldly state: I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to everyone that believeth! (Romans1:16) Not many Christians do this because they’d rather be quiet and not judged or persecuted or laughed at! When I was talking about Jesus, some girl took out her bible and waved it in the air! I interacted with her all year but either none of us knew that we were born again Christians, so all our talks revolved around school, food, clothes, TV programs and all these things that don’t matter! If you expect to tell me about the fun you had at your party last night please don’t be shocked when I tell you about the awesome time I had with my Jesus yesterday in the middle of the night! If you can pose in public holding your beer bottle please don’t be shocked when I pose in public holding the sword of the Spirit which is my bible!
Christians are scared to speak up about Jesus because they have a fear that what they say might not be right or people will persecute them! But the bible says, “Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Math 5:10! You have to be persecuted, it is your right as a Christian and you must delight in it! All these pastors and messengers of God I’ve read about are constantly being persecuted! Non-believers and others who claim to be Christian will always find fault in everything you say! They will take it personally to point out that one mistake you said or did while they should be working out their own salvation! Christian, understand that you are a work in progress, God is pruning you! You are not always going to say the right things, you are not always going to please people, and yes you will always have people trampling on you and trying to bring you down, but that is the whole process! You will get there someday, if it’s not on this earth, it will be in heaven where everything and everyone is perfect!
|This is Lerato, the girl who waved her bible!|
I cried out to God in agony telling Him how scared I am of what I’m doing! Why did He chose me to do this, is it all for a purpose, a reason? I mean I’m making a lot of mistakes and I don’t think I’m doing it right!! And the Holy Spirit comforts me and personally tells me that I’ve only been seven months in this, surely there are days, months, and years ahead of me to get to that certain place! Just do what you have been commissioned to do, “Go throughout the whole world and preach this gospel to all creatures! Be determined and confident, I am with you wherever you go!” If people want to always find fault in you, it’s fine, leave them and continue shinning your light for Jesus! (Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Math5:14) How do you get saved and remain quiet about such a lovely experience, how do you allow others who are blinded by their own sin perish while you enjoy life in preparation for heaven! Do what you have to do now! (Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Math 5:16) You don’t have to wait years before God can start using you, work your way through your imperfections! Writers, write! Preachers, preach! Singers, sing! Leaders, lead! Its your time now to shine for Jesus!
I find that once you start living a transparent life for Jesus you learn a lot about yourself! You become more dependent on God as you see how imperfect and dirty you are yourself that you won’t even have time and the energy to look at somebody and say, you are doing this and that yet you call yourself Christian! When you live a transparent life for Jesus you won’t always have to find fault with what other believers are saying or doing because you understand full well that God is not finished with them yet! Those are just tendencies for non-believers! A Christian should be running his own race and focusing on his own life while doing the work of the Father!
I went through Joel Osteen’s daughter’s twitter profile the other day and this fear I had returned! I wondered, I’m always updating about Jesus and here is this girl, a pastor’s child, only updating about parties, concerts and movies!!! I asked myself, could I be overdoing it! Could I be one of the hypocrites who just want to show everybody that I am saved, should I stop and also find something worldly to update about, or should I just remain quiet about this wonderful experience? Should I remain quiet about this wonderful Man that I have found? The Holy Spirit told me that we are different! We grew up with different experiences and she has her own praise just like I have mine! It doesn’t mean now when a pastor’s child or anybody spiritual doesn’t say anything about Jesus I also have to remain silent! See, seven months ago I was bound by depression, I was bound by sexual immorality, I was bound by guilt and fear of the future, I was a no body and here comes this Man who offers freedom and abundant life! (Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom! 2Corinth 3:17) How can I possibly keep my mouth shut?
You were saved to preach the gospel and bring the world to Christ with your personal testimony! God can only do through you what He’s done to you! And yes, our tasks might not be similar, and our personalities might also differ, but you were called to testify! People will talk, they have always talked, forget about them, it’s between you and God! When you feel like you are not good enough, that’s when you are actually good enough! When you feel like you want to give up, that’s when a breakthrough is coming out! When something great is happening and souls are being won for the kingdom, that’s when people will talk, and not only people outside the church, even those in the church, even your closest friends and family! Don’t get discouraged, run the race and fight the good fight in Jesus’ name!