A TAPESTRY OF GRACE: The Farewell!

There’s this girl who’s also a CRC leader in the campus zone whom I just had issues with! I just used to think that she was still living in sin, and I don’t know why though! To me she had a “sinful face”…I don’t know! I never said it but I just didn’t like associating myself with her, something in me just looked down on her for some reason! One day during Action Time, the time when all CRC leaders meet, she stood up and said her testimony of how God brought her to where she was! I was convicted and was led to repentance by the Holy Spirit for having those thoughts towards another believer! On that evening I learned that I should never ever look down on others especially those involved in the body of Christ! Just because they don’t look “spiritual” enough, or don’t praise as you do, or don’t talk as loud as you, it doesn’t give you the right to look down on them! You don’t know what happens behind the scenes as God works in the lives of people! With that in mind, let me go directly to the events of the farewell function!

I was really excited when we were told about the farewell function for the CRC leaders in the campus zone! I bought my dress, which was not all that, but perfect for me a week before! I believed that that night was an opportunity to look like the princess I felt within me, and to have the best night of my life! In the afternoon on the day of the farewell as I was preparing myself I felt a bit discouraged, I wasn’t as excited and as keen as I had been before! All of a sudden the shoes my sister gave me didn’t fit well; the wig which looked perfect in the hair store wasn’t as perfect anymore! I wished they could postpone the event!!!

On my way to the bus stop I really felt like a loser in life! I felt like everyone was staring, for all the wrong reasons of course! My dress getting shorter blown away by the wind, my hair coming on to my eyes and sweat covering my face! I eventually got to the bus stop and all around me were beautiful ladies looking radiant and confident in their high heels and make up! “They look so beautiful”, I thought to myself! “I wish I was lighter, I wish I was thinner, I wish, I wish!” My confidence was being tested! Do I really mean it each morning when I look myself in the mirror and claim to be fearfully and wonderfully made? Or now when the going gets tough I forget the unchanging Word of God and wish I was somebody else? (So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27) As the Holy Spirit led me I started switching my mind back to the truth whispering to myself: “I am beautiful, I am a princess seated in royalty! I don’t allow feelings of ugliness and low self-esteem drag me down! I am going to have a great night!”

The bus arrived finally and seeing my ladies made me feel better, they always have the right things to make me laugh! We got to the place, looked and walked around, taking pictures and all! When it was time to get into the building one by one my ladies disappeared! They were being asked by the guys around to walk with them on the red carpet into the building! I just stood there, trying not to look desperate or sad! Even the guy whom I thought liked me had a date! I learned the harsh truth: Just because he adds you on Facebook and likes your posts it doesn’t mean that he likes you or wants to be your boyfriend! Just because he smiles with you at church it doesn’t mean that he’s got eyes on you! Just because he regularly comments on your blog posts it doesn’t mean that he is the man God wants you to marry! Have no expectations from a guy who doesn’t honestly tell you how he feels about you because the gestures might be your own hallucination! It will lead to unnecessary heartbreak and false hope! As a woman of God you shouldn’t look for the first available opportunity to be involved in a relationship, endure the process! Allow God to fix you, mend your heart and heal your emotions, allow Him to deal with your insecurities and all things you are carrying with you from past relationships!

As I stood there feeling like a fool somebody asked me if they could walk with me, and guess who it was! The same lady I always looked down on! Jesus will take you through the process! (Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. John 15:2)! He will use such instances to show you that you are no better than anyone else and that you shouldn’t judge others by external features! The same person who you think is nothing today is the same person who might come through for you when you feel like you are nothing! Love and appreciate each and every person on earth and see only the good in them!

We got in the building and one of my friends called me over to sit with her and her date for the night which was really awesome because I didn’t want to continue feeling left out through the whole function! She had her date pulling chairs for her when she stood up; juice being poured for her when her glass needed a refill! I thought I’d be feeling better by then? The only time I felt great was when we were praising and worshiping our King! He is the love of my life; hear my heart skip a beat as I mention Him! If being in God’s presence and reading His Word are the only things that give you pleasure in life then cling on to Him, don’t let Him go! (In thy presence is fullness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. Psalm 16:11)! I waved my hands to heaven with tears in my eyes thanking my King for such a wonderful opportunity of being where I was! I could have easily been at a house party somewhere getting drunk and doing all kinds of things! Thank You Jesus for such an amazing life! I believe that this is just the beginning of great things for me!