Monday, 20 August 2012

Work On Your Love...

On Friday night a friend of my sister came to our place asking to study and sleep over because the electricity at her commune had run out! My sister already had her boyfriend accompanying her so her friend had to sleep with me in my room! My sister asked if her friend could study while I sleep because I usually don’t mind the light being on! For some reason I just wasn’t comfortable about the idea of her studying while I’m sleeping with the lights on and all that! So I started making excuses: What if God wakes me up in the middle of the night to pray, will your friend bear with me? What if I just decide to get up in the middle of the night and study, will she like it with the light on?  With all those excuses that I made, my sister let her friend sleep in her room on a matrass!  In the morning when I got up I felt really bad! There I was with two beds yet couldn’t even let somebody who was in need to sleep over! Yes, I usually pray in the middle of the night but couldn’t I have sacrificed just for that night? Couldn’t I have just been more welcoming and kind? I felt really bad because I’m always inviting these people to my home cell, I sometimes pray with my sister and tell her about God’s love! But why couldn’t I just show them love when they needed it! When I was throwing myself a pity party about how bad I felt all day, the Holy Spirit told me not to be so hard on myself! I am work in progress and every day God is fixing all these tiny imperfections in me! I told myself that I am going to start working more on my love skills! I just don’t want to write or read about love but I am going to live it! I told my soul and heart that from today onwards, you will love your neighbour as you love yourself!
How can I say I love God and still be unkind to a family member? How can I say I love God and still disobey my parents, disrespect authority? How can I despise somebody I can see in the physical yet claim to love God whom I have not seen? This makes me nothing but a liar! But don’t just give in yet! A step to step process God turns feelings of hatred, anger, unforgiveness to love as you ask for more of Him! It might not happen in an instant but never doubt the fact that it is possible to love your neighbour as you love yourself! We make mistakes daily but the important thing is to not dwell on those mistakes, but turn back to God and ask for His direction! When I felt bad about what had happened, I actually felt worse for feeling bad! I felt like I am just a cry baby who always cries to God about everything! But later on I realised that God delights in hearing from you! He wants you to acknowledge that you cannot do it on your own! You are an imperfect being in need of a perfect being! Every time I feel bad about something ungodly that I did, I go down on my knees and humble myself before Him and asking Him to change any attitude in me that doesn’t represent Christ in a holy way! 

Sometimes it seems unfair that I have to love even though I feel wronged! I mean here is my sister and her friend coming to me at the last minutes asking to utilize my own space! Don’t I have the right to say no, isn’t it my room? I asked the Holy Spirit…I know that I have to love, but to what extent? God wants us to love to such an extent that we don’t even see or point out the wrongs that people do to us! It is not about them or how they treat us, but more about our reaction!  The focus is not about the other person but about you! Strive to make yourself better for your own good! When you allow God in any situation you face you will start to view life through his eyes! You will start considering other people’s needs and problems! Yes, you  also have problems but your problems are in safe hands-God’s hands! Cast all your burdens and anxiety unto Him because he cares about the tiniest details in your life! When I got this conviction I sincerely apologised to my sister and her friend about my attitude! The response was not that fulfilling and I again felt bad for apologising!!! But God assured me that I played my part and did the right thing by apologising, no need to feel bad if they don’t forgive you, it’s all in their hands now! 

This morning my sister banged and knocked so hard on my door! She usually leaves for school while I’m still in bed and she has that habit of knocking on my door and waking me up! I’ve asked her a couple of times before to stop doing it because I respect her sleep and would like her to do the same! This morning when I opened for her, all she came to take was a cold drink! She has the same cold drink in her room but presumably she wanted the one in my fridge! “Keke, couldn’t you have drank the cold drink in your room?” I asked! “No, I also wanted my potato salad!” “Couldn’t you have taken all that you want last night before I slept instead of rudely waking me up like that?” I asked again! “What if I forgot and realised only in the morning?” she replied!  
Normally when someone responds to me in such a way and dont feel the need to apologise, I get really angry! My heart literally shakes violently and I find myself dwelling in that anger for such a long time that I make that particular person the dictator of my emotions! But today when my sister felt that I was wrong for locking my room while she had forgotten her things in it, I felt nothing! I felt no emotion whatsoever but love! My heart was still as peaceful as it was when I opened my eyes to the loud bang on my door! See, as you give your emotions to God He works on them and no weapon formed against you shall prosper! The devil uses people to work on your temper so that you lose focus on your journey and focus on others instead of focusing on God, how they hurt you or how unfair you are being treated! Little things should not distract you, give everything to God and He will work on it! Love your neighbour as you love yourself, apologise to maintain peace! When you humble yourself they will think that you are a fool and take advantage of your goodness but Galatians 6:9 says that we should not get weary in doing good because we will reap if we don’t give up!

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