Monday, 16 April 2012

Is it the universe that conspires to help achieve or is a God that wills?

On a Saturday evening I had a strong feeling to go to church the following day. I hardly go to church hey, i don't know why! Its either i oversleep or i don't know what to wear or i just don't feel like getting out of bed. So that Sunday morning i overslept again and already accepted that I'm not going to church again, its really not such a big deal afterwards, I'll just pray on my own. But throughout the the day i just wasn't comfortable in my spirit, and that was a first, i needed to go to church! So i inquired from classmates and friends about the time the church i want to go to starts in the evening. The bus was leaving at 5pm! At 16:45 I hurried to the stop where it usually passes but it didn't pass then and because i never go to church alone i was a bit confused. i wanted to go back home because now i didn't know why it wasn't coming and i wouldn't just stand on the corner like a confused prostitute! I decided to go on Facebook , get a friends number, and asked her if the bus was coming or what. She told me that the bus has already left but there's another one available! I walked as fast as possible to campus and even ran at some point. For some reason i didn't care if anybody was looking at me while i run, i just had to get to church. So when i got there the bus was just about to leave, it was so full that i stood all the way to church. That wasn't a problem though, i was just happy that i made it and i am going to church , to satisfy this hunger in my spirit!  I felt like a loser though, here i am surrounded by people in formal dresses, high heels and make up and I'm just wearing a jean, tank top and a cardigan. But something re-assured me that that shouldn't matter right now actually.  I certainly know that God doesn't look at the outside appearance, it is the heart that matters and it is the heart that is true. So i felt better. And besides all that, i just didn't feel comfortable being alone with everybody chatting with their buddies and laughing and doing all sorts of things, i even asked my housemates, sister and friend to come with me to church because of the fear of being alone. Nobody wanted to tag along, but i knew that i had to be at church, nothing could stop me! So there i was holding on to the seats in the bus as it moved to church , in my heart thinking, phew, and when you want something so bad, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it. But then again i thought, is it the universe or is it God that plans out certain events in our lives. I don't know much about this statement, but all i know that it made so much sense in the past because everything that i wanted to achieve would always happen one way or the other without problems. But today, it sank in my heart, is it really the universe that helps us achieve or is it God that makes us achieve certain things?

When i get to church the worship was amazing! The message was powerful and i=everything was just so great. The Pastor was telling us his testimonies on how God has worked in his life referring to scripture of course. And he said that God wants to give you a new heart, God wants to take away that heart of stone and put in the heart of flesh! Well i knew this verse because I've read it a couple of times in my christian walk but on this day it made much sense! He also said when God changes you, he does it in a mini second, its so fast, He changes you,your heart, your desires and you become completely free in a matter of seconds! Well that was quite a revelation for me because the night before when i prayed i told God that I don't think that there's certain things that i want to do anymore, which i shan't mention but i know that God in this service was telling me that He can do anything, anywhere, anytime. Pastor Art told us how he stopped smoking in an instant when God came in his life. See if God changes you, it doesn't take long, it happens in an instant and you feel different. You want to go to church all of a sudden, you make peace with all the people you were angry with all of a sudden , pornography disgusts you all of a sudden, idle chats are a waste of time all of a sudden and Gods love and grace has so much meaning in your life all of a sudden.  I know Ive been on spiritual highs before but i had never felt like this before, i wondered, am i bipolar or is this magic, why do i want to all of a sudden wanna leave my boyfriend and follow Jesus, why do i wanna stop drinking and follow Jesus...but anyway, i am in church now and i know that it is God that wills.

The time for the alter call came and i was like okay people are getting born again now, its okay, yay. So with heads down the pastor kept calling people to raise their hands if they want Jesus in their lives. I never really respond when this happens because i accepted Jesus Christ 9 years ago in October 2003! So that was the only time in my life I had ever been to an alter call. When the pastor called people to go to the front, i knew that I also needed this Jesus in my life. Yes Ive been living with him most of my teenage years, but battling so much with sin and depressing. I knew that i had to go meet Jesus again for the first time after 9years and wow it felt so great. There's so much that i wanna share with you right now, but God wants me to leave it for later, perhaps next year. All i know is that i have got a story to tell! Being christian is not a point I am trying to prove to anybody, but an everyday "struggle" to carry my cross and follow my Jesus each day. I dont even know if the word struggle is an appropriate word to use, because it is God that reaches out to us. On the contrary, i think i can call it a struggle because everyday is a battle between our spiritual man and our fleshly desires. So we are trying to get there, Jesus is right there by our side helping us to get up and continue walking. He gives us a new life and just like a new born baby, He feeds us and shows us the way of  life. Sometimes we have to close our ears to what the world and everybody out there is saying but open our spiritual ears and listen to what Jesus wants.

This morning when i got up, i went to the promises of God right away. I know that it is word that defines me.The word has a lot to say about me and i can only find out when i immerse myself in Him! I am crazy about this man Jesus, i love Him so much and now that i have met Him again, i don't ever want to leave him! I love You my Lord Jesus sooo much!

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