Festering Old Wounds-Part2

Only in 2014, two years after getting saved did I ponder and reflect upon the effects that my behavior did to this guy and many more. Some made it easy for me not to feel bad as I recalled their comments that “I should go find my father”, “I stink”, “and No one would ever want such an ugly person as me”. But the eyes of my understanding were opened up clearly when I recalled how this guy handled the situation. He understood that I was a human being and I was not my behavior. I carried a wound behind those destructive habits and pathological lies. My heart was hardened by the negating comments not only from people online, in the streets, but by my own family. So the only thing I could give to people was my hurt. I was a human being underneath all that; deprived of love yet still having a chance to experience it. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke s easy and my burden is light”, said Jesus in Mathew11:27-28.

The reason why I decided to wipe of the term narcissism in describing the old me is that many people say narcissism is a permanent mental disorder that can’t be cured but only worsens as one gets older. This is a fact for many friends, partners and more especially families who’ve endured many painful years caused by the abusive narcissist. Or, it could be true that indeed I was a narcissist since I was not only incapable of empathizing with other’s hurt but causing it myself and God’s Word proving to be true that, “If any man is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come (2Corinthians5:17), and “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God” (Mark10:27). I don’t know really whether I was a narcissist or not, but these two verses show that we must not limit God despite what the DSM’s and experience say. This is extremely difficult even for me as I have just gone through an experience that prompted such doubts.