Monday, 25 September 2017

The Toxic Nature of Counterfeit Love (PART 1)

I watched a movie (romantic drama/comedy) with my best friend a while ago and at the end of the movie we were just appalled at how movies display such happy endings regarding love without showing the waiting process in-between. I hope to contribute a real story of the waiting process so let me use the platform (blogging) that I have to reach people going through the same process. Unlike in movies, where at one moment a person experiences hurt and then the next experiences deep love from their “soul mate”, real life is far different. The reality for single Christians is self-denial of emergent natural feelings of their sexuality in the pursuit of lasting intimacy. The process involves anxiety, worry, fear, doubts, shortcomings, discouragement and despair of one ever finding true love. Don’t get me wrong, living life as a single Christian is the best ever but the emotions described above do exist, and as we get older the waiting process seems really long and ridiculous so instead of really surrendering this area of our lives to God, we tend to take matters in our own hands. Love between a man and a woman is very beautiful and pure; desired to be experienced by all, hence many fall for its counterfeit.

I fell for it too, many times. But none had such an imprinted impact on me as the one I recently experienced. In 2014 I met a guy whom as it usually start I was attracted to. I was doing my practical teaching and he worked there. We were not in close contact at any time but he had a way of looking at me that always kept him at the back of my mind. We somehow ended up being friends on Facebook but never took it far than that. Well, I gave him my number which he never really did use. He’d just call and not really say anything…on one or two occasions he made plans to come see me but didn’t follow up. So, I made a decision based on those incidents that although I felt that he was attractive to me I would not entertain him any longer. We never spoke much since then until late last year and this year (2017). What a co-incidence that he came at a time when I had just waved goodbye to my ex’s and really embracing the new person who’d come into my life. In my head automatically that person would be sent by God and everything would be perfect for me since I did a very hard thing of letting go of all the ex’s of the past. He also came at a time when I felt alone most of the time, and the desire for intimacy and love was at its greatest peak. When he came it felt good because I learned that he’s a pastor so I reckoned that his character and fruit would closely resemble that of Jesus Christ.

Everything was initiated through text messaging, which brings me to my first point of the nature of toxic people. They initiate romantic relationships a lot on social media. It’s as if they go through one profile after the next being tantalized by all the pictures and lifestyles portrayed there with the aim of choosing whoever would be suitable for them. I am not saying that this one did this, but I’m just describing from observation and experience the nature of toxic people. Social media has made it easy for people to be deceived by counterfeit love because on the other side of the screen a person chooses to become whatever is appealing to his target.

As everything was initiated on social media, he sent me video clips of him preaching which really made me open up to the idea of us being close friends.  One Sunday he came to see me all the way from Mafikeng, with his bible on the dashboard of his car, preached the word to me, and left the same day. I was on cloud 9! From everything he had said to me and had done that day, I had concluded that he was different from the other guys I had been with. I asked him why back in 2014 he always called and never said anything, he said it was because during that time he was very serious about his relationship with God (Fasting/ all night prayers etc.) so he didn’t want to waste my time without being sure that I was the woman for him, but now he was certain. I felt a sense of security that this 36 year old man knows really what he wants and to top that up he’s Christian, a pastor!! 

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