Friday, 21 June 2013

I fell into sexual sin (Day 3)

There was a time I thought I’d never make it, but God took me out. He won’t relent until He has it all! Such amazing love!!!


I didn’t know how to act in church today. Lifting my hands and dancing like I usually do felt like I was unleashing the hypocrite in me. It would’ve been better if I had just stayed at home and save myself the embarrassment. It felt like everyone was watching me, like they knew what I did. So where do I get off worshipping God and cheering my Pastor on when his message hits right on point? I realized how free my ladies were during worship; even though they knew what I had done they were not giving me those uncomfortable gestures. They held my hand, they smiled with me, and they encouraged me to lose myself in praise and worship. I could not help but raise my hands and feel freedom liberating into my soul. “I am free!” I cried out. “I am free in your love my King.”

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. ~Psalm 103:12

This is a new day and God has a great life in store for you. You have to come out of your comfort zone and follow Jesus. Peter was in the boat with the other disciples and when the storms approached he was the only bold one to get out of the comfort zone and that’s when he saw Jesus. He did something that none of the disciple was willing to do and that enabled him to walk on water. As long as his eyes were on Jesus he did the impossible. As soon as he lost sight of Jesus and focused on his surroundings and the natural, he almost drowned. But he called out to Jesus, and in his infinite grace and love, Jesus picked him up again. No man has a right to feel sorry for himself because God’s grace is always there to pick you up again! This is a new day, you cannot change what happened yesterday, but there is a better future in store for you. Never forget that God is on your side and you cannot go any deeper than His love. God still sees something in you; believe what He says about you. ~Pastor At

In the bus from church…

Me: what a wonderful message today
Friend: yea, I honestly felt like God was speaking to you through Pastor At
Me: I feel so too hey, I feel so free. Can I come sleep over at your place tonight, maybe this whole week? I feel like I need some sort of rehab, you know, just to get away from Kabelo and all
Friend: of course :-)
Me: I’ll just go pack and I’ll come through later
Later during the day…
Friend: hey tissy
Me: ughr, you wont believe what I just did
Friend: what did you do?
Me: I threw a charger on Kabelo’s head while he was sleeping. I don’t even know why I did that, I feel like a psycho now!!! The worst thing is after I left his room he got up and happily hummed down the corridor!!!
Friend: come over and we’ll talk when you here…

I could feel the intensity of anger building up around the walls of my heart. All I could think of was, he’s singing, therefore he’s happy, and I’m angry? I thought he’d come to my room and ask me why I did that, send me a BBM text like he always does, but nah he didn’t. Clearly my presence doesn’t matter to him, and that’s what drives me crazy. I feel like I have given myself to him now I’m expecting much from him, I’m expecting answers which he can’t give. After all he is just a mere human being, perhaps he’s just as confused and puzzled as I am. He is not my god, he also needs God. 

From the ends of the earth I will cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to a Rock that is higher than I! ~Psalm 61:2

No comments:

Post a Comment