There was a time I thought that I’d never make it, but God took me out. Sometimes we go through stuff so that we can have a story to tell…
Me: You leaving?
Kabelo: Yea…I’ll check you later? I’ll come help you clean your room like I promised (closes door behind him with a smile)
Me: (Reaching out for my phone)
Overseer: Hey girl…
Me: I need to see you, its urgent!
Overseer: Ohkayyy…can you come through now?
Me: yea, just getting dressed, will be there in a minute
Me: (Walking to overseer’s house)
Thoughts going through my mind: Where did you think you’ll end up? Like seriously. Why would you embarrass yourself this much? What made you possibly think that God is interested in using a person like you, I mean really now? A person like you? A sexual immoral person like you? Think of all the things you’ve done in your life and you think God will use you? Clearly you should stop embarrassing yourself. You write about sexual immorality on your stupid blog but you do it, wow, give this pathetic woman a bells! But anyways, jokes aside, you must now uhmm, shut that blog of yours and stop being a hypocrite. Stop with the home cell too, what are you going to tell your cell members? To fornicate? Guessed so. Oh yah, and remove those things on your wall, you have no vision, no dream, it’s really over, like boom! I can’t believe you were so naïve to think that God could really use you for great things in life. God only uses people like Lesego Serolong and T.D Jakes you know, not people like you…
Confess your faults to one another and pray for one another; that ye may be healed. ~James 5:16
Overseer: hey lady, come in, have a seat and tell me what’s up
Me: uhmm, I fell...
Overseer: what you mean you fell?
Me: like I… I sinned…(Tears streaming down my face)
Moment of silence. Her eyes of concern interlock with my eyes of shame
Me: I don’t know what happened, I was just chilling with Kabelo the next thing… I don’t know, everything’s just happening. I just came out of a 15day fast and now I do this. I feel like everything that I’ve worked for was all in vain.
Overseer: when did you finish your fast?
Me: a day ago
Overseer: what were you fasting for?
Me: I was crucifying the flesh. You know in Galatians 5:19-21 there’s a list of sins there…adultery, fornication, uncleanness…I was crucifying each daily. I just can’t believe after a fast of crucifying the flesh I fall right into something I fasted for.
Overseer: The devil was just testing you. Remember after Jesus fasted for 40days and 40 nights, the devil came personally to him, tempting him…
Me: yea but Jesus didn’t fall into temptation
Overseer: that’s because Jesus was God in the flesh, there was no way he could sin. But we were born into sin. Jesus was sinless so that he could deliver us from that.
I acknowledge my transgression: and my sin is ever before me. ~Psalm51:3
Overseer: You know the story of David right? He was a shepherd boy when God called him to do great things for His kingdom. He was a chosen vessel no doubt but he had an immoral heart just like ours. He was peeping through windows when women were bathing; he was filled with so much lust until he committed adultery. And when the woman got pregnant David sent her husband away so that he could be murdered. Despite all that David did not stop following God. He knew that God took him out of nothing and made him something, from a shepherd boy to a King of Israel. At the end God was able to say about David: This is a man after my own heart!
God’s love for you remains constant. Look at Paul who crucified Christians all around the world he lived in. God saved him; he loved him, and fulfilled His plan in Paul’s life. God has a tendency of using ordinary, weak, simple, broken people to fulfill His plan.
God will never forsake you. Remember the story of the prodigal son? The son decided to leave his father one day after everything that the father had done for him. As time went by he realized life is much tougher out of his father’s sight so he will go back even if it means having to be his father’s servant. When he got back, the father embraced him, threw a huge party for him! He rejoiced because his son who was once lost had been found! If you repent, God will not remember your faults dear. He will give you a new start just like He did with all these men in the bible.
Woman, where are thine accusers? Hath no man condemned thee? She said, no man Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more.~ John 8:10-11
Me: (thinking to myself) she’s telling me about bible people and I am facing a real life crisis here, right now. Does she understand that I’m a blogger, I blog about sexual immorality. Does she understand that I’m a leader…I’m always at church jumping and praising God. She tells me about bible people, things that I did not see???
Overseer: Let me tell you about my life. I come from a Christian home as you know, and I was very pure. When I say pure I mean I never swore, drank alcohol, nothing! I took pride in my virginity, I had substance. When I came to Bloemfontein nonetheless I got involved in an impure relationship. This guy and I were both going to church but in secret we were having sex. For two years. I did that for two years! At least you feel some remorse about what you did, but I felt nothing, it was normal. Sex, sin, church, all this was normal. But when I started attending CRC and I heard Pastor At preach, God touched me in a way I had never been touched before. For the first time sinning did not feel normal, I knew I had to leave that relationship because it was impure in God’s sight. I couldn’t though, I loved this man, and he took my virginity away from me. I thought that he would be my husband but God had other plans for my life. As hard as it was I left him and confessed my faults to our campus zone pastor and he helped me pray, breaking all bonds and soul ties between that guy and I. He thought that by telling my pastor I only wanted to expose him, but I wanted freedom, it was not about him at all. Look at me now, God has used me in an awesome way, planting home cells, becoming an overseer? I am feeling God’s anointing in my life like I’ve never felt it before. Two years was not too long for God to fix me, all that the devil had stolen from me God replaced it double fold. You can’t let one incident keep you away from God.
We need women who won’t give up on their ministries even though they have fallen and everybody knows about it. ~Serita Ann Jakes