It’s surprising to see how a lot of people hold on to something that happened many years ago! People are not on speaking terms because of something that happened three, four, five years ago! I know it’s not nice because all you do when you come across or even think about that person, your anger builds up again! It is impossible to let go off your anger, disappointment, or even an addiction if you don’t have Jesus in your life! In my previous blog I mentioned how from an early age I became consumed with anger, bitterness and hatred towards people! With all of us it’s never really intentional, or our fault, but the environment we lived in and the people we lived with! Adults don’t talk to children, adults swear and speak negatively to children, hell, adults even fight with children! The kind of attitude one develops is this: Why should I be good when everyone around me is bad? Why should I maintain peace when all everybody does is take advantage of me? Yea, why should I give when they take everything that I have without remorse! The more we think about it the angrier we become! It’s easy to recite and meditate on bad encounters but that has no progress in your spiritual life! (Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold! Ephesians 4:26-27). Even if you have every right to be angry, anger gives the devil a foothold in your life, preventing you from moving forward with Jesus! All that anger does is build up around the walls of your heart, suffocating you and disabling you from seeing the good in other, the goodness of God, and His plan behind all that has happened in your life!
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end!
What anger did to me
One day while sitting with my mum I found myself thinking, “Ughr just wanna get outta here and go have sex!” I still think of that because it makes me cringe, I do not know what was up with me! Couldn’t I choose to go do something better like watch TV or sing or something? I have discovered now that anger is interrelated with strange sexual habits! You’ll find that most people who haven’t dealt with their anger are holding onto a filthy habit that helps them release their anger! The ease is only for a moment so they have to keep repeating the habit until they become totally dependent on it! I was so angry with my mum, with every word that she said to me, so I disliked being around her too! Sex makes people feel “powerful”. At least when somebody close to me makes me feel inferior I can go out there and use my “sex power” to manipulate men! Girls sleep around because they know that no worldly man can resist sexual temptation! They expect the men they sleep with to help them deal with their anger by loving and accepting them, but a worldly man is just going to stick around for a while until he’s tired of you and leaves, and guess what, leaving you angrier! People who don’t allow Jesus to deal with their anger are more prone to sexual addictions! Masturbation, sleeping around with every man, incest, orgies, adultery, pornography, and any other sexual sin you can think of! The most outspoken people who practice such things are the ones who are secretly breaking down inside because they don’t want to admit that they have a problem! They even try to convince people that what they are doing is normal, and yet, it’s not! Sleeping around should not be normal it should be disgusting! Sexual addiction has a root, and that root is unresolved anger and bitterness that has accumulated in one’s life! No psychiatrist, psychologist, or motivational speaker can deal with that root but Jesus Himself! He understands you, He knows what you have been through, He knows why you keep repeating the same habit, and He can really free you from all the anger! Now what seems like a problem is this: Jesus doesn’t rush when He works in you, but people want a quick remedy, they want help now! You’ve read my story how I ran to the gym because everything that Jesus wanted to do just seemed so slow! I wanted to be free from anger yet please the devil with my sin? Would you agree with me if I said that clearly healing was not guaranteed in that case? The devil still had power over my heart, my life and my feelings! God wants all of you not just some parts, so that He can work with all that you are and make you brand new as if there was no anger that ever existed in you! It takes time, it takes patience, and it takes determination to want to be free! How long will you allow you unresolved anger to be the cause of your risky sexual behaviour? How long will you depend on masturbation for healing until you allow God to make you free and holy? How long do you want to use sex as power, and your naked body to manipulate men while you are dying in the inside? (And that, knowing the time, that now it is high time to awake out of sleep: for now is our salvation nearer than when we believed. Romans 13:11)
Jumping from one relationship to another…
The anger that I possessed from all the unfair treatment I experienced in life made me feel insecure and incapable of being who God created me to be! I always wanted somebody I could depend on, preferably a man! I would hop from one relationship to another hoping that somebody could understand me! The relationships did not last however, because all those men came with their own baggage and unresolved anger, hence we could not be make each other whole! We think that we are in love when most of the time all we need is a source to help us leash out what is inside! For instance, sex becomes the only communication between “lovers”. When it’s all said and done they have nothing to say to each other besides, “I love you, see you tomorrow for another round”! When the spark and chemistry is over they leave you because they want something better than what you can offer them anymore! People are unconsciously looking for a source that can help them deal with all the bad things they have experienced! Parents passing away, not having a dad around, having parents who don’t care about you, being badly treated by relatives, and so on! The other day late at night my housemate came over to my room offering me wine! Of course I politely refused without sounding judgmental! “Enjoy your wine”, I said while he pulled the door behind me! “Yea, it’s the only comfort I have”, was his reply! I asked him why does he say that and he said, “My parents passed away, and I’m the one taking care of my siblings, so yea, wine is the only comfort I have!” Of course he wanted me to feel sorry for him and have the pity party with him, but who doesn’t go through bad experiences? A wise person knows that trying to get a girl drunk so that you can sleep with her and ease your pain is not the solution, but Jesus is! Jesus is the true source of help and nothing else! I have allowed him to do a mighty work in me, and he has enabled me to little by little forgive my mother, and everybody else who hurt me in the past! When the bad memories come, I don’t run to alcohol or masturbation this time, Jesus has taken the wheel and it feels so awesome to be under His mercy! (Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Romans 13:1). God has ordained Jesus as a Christians higher power!