Thursday, 24 January 2013

Put God First!

Before I re-dedicated my life to Jesus I was a gym addict! It was the answer to all my problems, rehabilitation for my addictions, and an ease to my emotional pain! At least I could see it, feel it, and walk right into it, unlike “this Jesus!” This Jesus who claims to love me but allows people to hurt me and get away with it! This Jesus who seemed like it took eternity for him to answer a simple prayer… “Please give me happiness!” Gym gave me that instant happiness; at least it was the one thing that could make me feel good about myself! Honestly, gym was my god! It took first preference over everything, even Jesus! I mean, I could go a whole week without praying but could never skip gym in a week! I constantly had to go get my happiness at gym because God was just not enough for me! I didn’t have anything against Him really, just that His ways were rather too silly for me and I needed a quick fix! (To whom will ye liken me, and make me equal, and compare me that we may be like? Isaiah 46:5)

The motive behind it all…

Well, being a gym addict was an advantage to my health and physical appearance! I lost about 15kg’s in a year and I looked and felt prettier! For the first time I had “normal looking guys” (my type of guys , I never had to look for relationships online again), pursuing me!  Not the real genuine pursue of course, but pursuing because they had sexual desires to fulfil! But that for me was fine, if anyone could just see my beauty and want me! I spent endless hours working out trying to look good for the world out there! It became such an obsession that it was the only thing that made me look forward to the rising of the sun! When I was hurt, I ran to gym! When I was down and depressed, I ran to gym! Come rain or sunshine, I ran to gym! Gym was a god that could never be replaced! The boxing puncher understood me way better than anyone! (Laughs)

Thou shalt have no other gods before me…for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God…Exodus20:3&5

When I moved from Welkom to Bloemfontein early in the year 2012, I was excited about continuing my exercise programme until I reach my target goal which is 60Kg’s! Unfortunately, my gym doors were closed by a jealous God! I tried joining the gym on campus but was told that it was full! Since when do gyms get full!!??  A lot of people reckoned that it was a race issue, and oh, I had to be living on campus and involved in any kind of sports to be admitted! I joined another gym which was far from where I lived but getting there was a workout on itself! Besides, my mother didn’t have a job so I couldn’t even afford it in the long run! This all happened at the time where I got so broken that I had no one to depend on, yes, not even gym! (Yea, one shall cry unto him (his god), yet can he not answer, nor save him out of his trouble. Isaiah 46:7b). I realized that gym only gave temporary happiness but my Jesus gives joy that remains intact in the soul! This joy remains regardless of the circumstances you face! 

It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it…

Although I gave my life to Jesus round about that time, He didn’t open my gym doors immediately! As a result, I put on almost 20kg’s in just a matter of months! I wasn’t quite happy with how I looked but I had joy! The kind that made me overlook beyond my appearance and made me understand what mattered most! The potter broke me, took away what I thought was my source of happiness, because He wanted me all to Himself! It’s like he was saying, “Why are you fussing about the small stuff? Don’t you know that your beauty is inside of you! Don’t you understand that I am God, bigger than gym, bigger than this entire universe? Don’t you know that I am your creator and I have the right to have first preference in your life?” God disciplined me until I reached a point where I fully accepted, appreciated, and loved myself for who I am despite what others said to me! (Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content! Philippians 4:11).

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart…psalm 37:4!

It had been an intense desire to fully go back to gym all of last year, but I didn’t ask God verbally because I didn’t want to step on His toes! When I came back to Bloemfontein from the December holidays, I decided to just give the campus gym another try! So effortlessly they accepted me when I least expected it! One might say they accepted me because the gym was not “full” this year, but I know that it is my God’s doing! When you walk in God’s will you automatically walk in His favour! Doors open for you and God makes it a point to fulfil the desires of His children’s hearts! You will have whatever you desire! He goes all out for you, He goes before you, and He speaks on your behalf! You will get whatever you desire whether you are black or white, living on campus or not, involved in sports or not! God gives the best! This is the least crowded gym I’ve ever been to, one of the least expensive, and it’s right on campus! This means I am going to do what I enjoy doing i.e.: working out, until I graduate from the University of the Free State! He was preparing me for such a time as this! (Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Psalm 37:3)

P.S: With the Holy Spirit living in me now, it might not take me the whole year to lose 15kg’s! I believe that God gives double; therefore, with discipline and determination, I am able to loose 30kg’s in just a year! So excited!!

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