I feel like I'm reliving the first time my mum left the country for England in 2002! The void, sadness and tears! She left for Australia last night and I miss her so much already! When she asked us to go home and spend the weekend with her before she leaves I thought it would be one of those happily ever after stories! The plans we make may not go accordingly but everything that happens will revolve around God’s will eventually! My mum asked me to skip school for a day so that I could take her to the airport, although I had a lot of school work to complete and submit I agreed! On Sunday however I changed my mind! Mum was disappointed and hurt that I didn’t stick to my promise! All she wanted was to spend the little time she had with me in South Africa! I don’t know how everything went wrong but we had a painful argument in front of my dad and sister! Something so small turned into a big thing! The clear words that I remember is when she told me that she grew up without a mother and I answered her, well, I also lived a life with no mother!
I got off the car and went to the bus without even taking a last glance at her! She tried getting out of the car but I was just not interested! This hurt me so much that I was capable of hurting someone like that! She was going to be a foreigner in another country, all I could have demonstrated was the love she needed! I wish that I could have done things differently on that day-should have taken her to the airport like I promised! Should have given her one long hug! Should have held her hand, and told her how much I love her! Should have? Could have? It's all past now and although I struggled to accept it for the past days, everything does happen for a reason! I remember that morning, praying, asking God to help me decided whether I should go to school or take my mum to the airport! I thought that God would allow me to take my mum to the airport with no hustle but it turned out differently! I could sit all week and beat myself about it but it happened already and there’s not much I can do about it! Just like Paul however, I can say, “I am forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus!” Philippians 3: 14
After crying out to God, and feeling bad about the situation, I called my mum to ask for forgiveness for the way I had talked to her! I was just sad that she is leaving again! I was just sad that I won’t see her for a long time again! I realised that the anger manifested because honestly, I didn’t want her to go! It was in the way she called my name that I felt the warmth of her love! A feeling close to God’s love! It is her forgiveness that enabled me to go onto the operation table and lay every event of my past before God! I have now stopped going back to the wrong things that happened between my mum and I, but forgave and accepted everything that went wrong! It was all for a reason! Today I see my mother for who she really is! A strong independent woman who will do whatever it takes to take care of her children! A woman who grew with no parents yet still pursued education! A woman who provides and always wants to see a smile on my face! A woman who loves and forgives! We may not understand why life turned out the way it did but be certain, it was all in God’s plan! Now I know the meaning of true love! I love my mother with every fibre in my being! That entire time all she has ever done; travelling the world, being over-protective, being all up in my business-was just her desiring what’s best for me! A better life, a good education! And since I refused to take her to the airport because of school issues, I am going to push in even harder in my studies just to make her proud! To fulfil her dream of seeing her children being successful in life!
Some people never get the opportunity to say good bye to their loved ones! My mum has just skipped the country and if God wills, I could see her any time soon again! But some people lose their loved ones through death and although they had the opportunity to love and appreciate, they just didn’t use that time! As cliché as it may sound, love and appreciate your loved ones! Make peace with your mother, your father, your siblings, everybody whom God placed in your life! Always strive to make them happy because that’s what life is all about! When Jesus settles in your heart, He settles all matters in your life including relationships!
Although it’s not quite easy having my mum living so many miles away from me, I know that it is God’s will and God’s will’s always the best! My mum got a free plane ticket! Free accommodation for the first two months! A free car to help her get to and fro from work! And if I should say, quite a satisfying amount of money to be paid! I remember on one of our phone calls she said to me, “Titi God is so good! I am a happy woman! I have just allowed God to be God in my life! I stopped fighting all the battles and have depended entirely on God and nothing else!” It’s amazing how God will break you to mend you again! It’s amazing how He will use hopeless situations and give you a greater hope! My hope now is to visit my mum someday, travel the world with her, and share our love-The way God intended it to be!
Love and Miss you so much mommy!
Cant wait to see you soon!