Monday, 25 June 2012

Speak up and Break free!

For many years I was trapped in my sins and thought there was no way out! I believed the lies of devil about my life, that I will never break free! I was convinced that I could not stop fornicating once I did and I could just not break free from addictions and lifestyle! This lie deceived me and left me with guilt and shame most of my life and that is not how God wants His children to live! The devil will convince you that it is fine to “love” God and still fornicate and willfully sin, but Jesus said that if we love God then we must obey his commandments! God expects us to flee sexual immorality and keep our bodies pure!  1 Corinthians 6:19 says, “do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.As k yourself this question: Do I really love God or is there another god that I am worshiping!

In my previous post you probably have a light idea of what I went through and how I tried dealing with my past. Today I believe that God was able to intervene in my problem which was the bondage of sexual immorality, when I decided to “come out clean.”  When I began to speak! Christians struggle in sin alone, ashamed of what people might say or think about them. That is how the devil wants you to feel, defeated, shameful and guilty! But God has liberated you!  2 Corinthians 3:17 says, “Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”

One day I got tired of guilt, I wanted a way out! Before the devil could drive me into insanity I decided to tell somebody about my problem, somebody whom I trusted! I did not care whether she judged me but I believed that I did not have to be quiet about something I’ve always tried to eliminate in my life! This is the message I sent her:
Girl please pray for me? All of a sudden I feel depressed and so unworthy. I feel like I always try so hard to walk on the right path but as soon as temptation comes, I fall right in and I feel like all my efforts were all in vain. I know I can't be perfect but I don't want to sin consciously anymore, I really want to  live right and not live like a confused person. Today I'm holy the next day well, I find myself getting drunk and end up embarrassing myself. I don't even knw what to pray anymore. Yoh hai nna hakitsi hle. I just pray God will fix me he and help me accept everything as it comes and be the best he wants me to be. I'm tired of struggling like spiritually, emotionally, mentally and socially. #sigh# I know He can do this for me. But I get discouraged. I've been born again since e I was 12 and I just keep seeing myself fall and going back to all these wrong things even though I know all I'm going to get outa them is hurt! I know I have to help myself but its a bit hard hey and God seem so quiet. I wana be able to abstain from sex like other children hey and keep my body holy since it’s the temple of God, I wana not lust or get that urge do immoral things. I wana be able to live right and do well in my school work and graduate like other children. I wana have a direction you know, i wana forget about people who don't love me and were just using me I don't even knw why I let them do that to me. Sometimes I fl so powerful, sometimes I feel so weak. And I look at people like you and my other friends from church and I'm like God, why can't I be like this. Why don't you change me ugghrr gal sorry tlhe for the long speech” 

(Mind you I stated exactly what I wanted)
And this was her reply: 

“It's OK dear too precious 2 God don’t ever doubt that and the Holy Spirit dwells in u He is the1 convicting you. the devil is a LIAR!! U have exposed and conquered him. I’ll pray with u girl don’t worry. All will b well.” 

How we need more Christians like this all over the world! I believe that she did the right thing because right now I am free from fornication, I am free from masturbation, I am free from pornography or homosexuality. I am free from any sexual sin you can think of! Praise God I am also free from lustful thoughts! In a matter of three months! It took determination, self-control and willingness, but most abundantly the grace of God! Sex could be “fun” for a little while but it lives you with so much emptiness in the long run! When I go to bed every night and Satan tries to plant lustful thoughts in my mind, I captivate my thoughts in the name of Jesus because I want my husband to be the only man that I think of every night when I go to bed!

I remember three months ago while I was still deciding on whether I am going to obey God’s call or not, I went around asking my Christina friends if it is really possible to wait for marriage before we had sex! They said of course with enthusiasm! I thought I just could not do it! But as I talked more about it, setting aside my pride, I somehow got my breakthrough and Jesus broke all chains binding me! As I continue seeking God’s face, He deals with my imperfections. God knows that I am not perfect, that is why He sent Jesus Christ for me! You need not fear what people think of you, you need to speak out! One day those people will look at you and ask themselves, Is this the girl I was judging? Is this the same girl I was laughing at 3months ago? Is this the same girl everybody had given up in? Listen I’d rather be known right now as somebody who had the courage to speak up than being known as somebody who died of Aids later on!

A few days back I heard that one of the girls I went to school with last year had committed suicide, what a disappointment it was! In one of her Face Book status updates she wrote something like this: “Nobody knows the pain behind my smile” Somebody asked what was wrong and she replied saying, it was a secret! She went to the grave with her secret! How sad! I don’t know what problem she was facing but one i thing i know is that she was tormented by the devil, convincing her that there was no way out! Convincing her that nobody could help her or perhaps even worse judge her! That really breaks my heart because if she had had the courage to tell somebody she trusted about it, then they would have prayed about it! In Mathew 18:20 Jesus says, “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

The devil might fool you into thinking that you “enjoy and love” sex and there’s no way out! He might fool you into involving yourself in orgies, or cheating on your spouse or drinking alcohol endlessly or any other thing that has a hold in your life! But you as soon as you are all alone and the world is quiet it bothers you! You know that there is a better life that you could live than what you are living right now! I came out when I had already been with many guys! I came out when the people around me knew so much about me! But when I came out...Jesus was delighted in me! He said come to me just as you are, cast your burdens unto me and I will give you rest! 

My Saviour and my Redeemer, I’m filled with so much emotion when I think of what you have done for me! Thank you so much for the cross! Thank you for your blood that cleanses me! Thank you for your word that renews my mind! Thank you for the name of Jesus! Thank you that whoever is reading this right now is being set free from the bondage of sin! I love you my Saviour and King Jesus! Amen!

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."

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