The wonderful holy spirit reminded me that this is the perfect time for me to pray and seek God's face and guidance. I realise that when I confide in God, all the depression, sadness and loneliness goes away. Jesus is the best emotional healer! The problem with us is that we tend to put the things of this world as first priorities. If my boy friend doesn't like my hairs style , then I am ugly and there goes...depression. If he does not call, then I'm lonely...there goes depression. If my mum calls me names then its true, the boss said it...there goes depression..I cant wear mini skirts and revealing clothes like other girls who get a lot of attention from guys...I'm fat, I'm ugly...there goes depression! We live up to society's standards forgetting that all these things are temporary! We forget that we need Jesus to change our mindset each day!
Before i decided to pray, I deciphered that the Devil was on his tricks again. Thoughts like, "why don't you just visit the guy, he wants you so badly and you know that you want him too! Why are you depriving yourself from LIVING, you know you want to have fun, its part of being young! I immediately got off the sofa and went to my room to pray. As I prayed Jesus reminded me that He wants to minister through me , but first, he must minister to me. I have to renounce all the sins I still want to hold on to and really repent because I cannot go forward if I am not serious about this. Most of us, myself included(at this point), have a fear of losing our "favourite" sin. We think how in the world are we going to live our entire life without it being a part of us, particularly sex. We don't want to wait until we are married because we cannot imagine how its going to be like waiting for so long. For somebody it could be gossip, for another one it could be theft! We all somehow have that favourite sin that we don't want to let go. Thing is, if you decide to follow Jesus' wonderful plan, you have to leave everything behind, renounce all the unhealthy habits that don't align with God's plan and purpose for your life. We confess our sins, but deep inside we do not want to let them go!!!
I was praying in tongues when that thought came to my mind. I tried to renounce all sin of sexual immorality in my life but I couldn't. I stopped for a while and remain silent. That awkward moment! The holy spirit through me said, "do it! renounce the sin of fornication! Renounce the sin of drunkenness! Renounce the sin of bitterness! Don't be scared! The devil has no power over you anymore! You don't have to feel ashamed , Jesus knows you!" I renounced all sins that I wasn't certain if I want to leave them or not. They do not align with God's plan, I cannot experience God's power if I'm still living in the desire to sin! I knew that I could not hide from God, so I asked him to please create a pure heart and spirit in me! To help me really abandon all this sin because honestly, I really don't think I would be able to do it in my own strength. I am willing to stop, I want to stop and I know only He can make me new!
God is taking me from glory to glory. There will be days when I feel alone and want to do certain things, but those tempting thoughts are opportunities for me to pray. It does not happen over night, it is not magic. It requires determination, faithfulness and the willingness to live a purposeful life empowered by Christ! Jesus is the nearest counsellor you can run to! Pastor At says that when He was still in the military, he used to pray from 5am-8am everyday! The woman who brought me to Christ, Ms Shamabanse, prays all the time! A former school mate and home cell leader, Lesego Serolong, used to pray all the time! My mum prays all the time! Jesus even prayed at all times Himself! We cannot afford to be lazy in God's plan, we become workmanships of His kingdom. If living a life based on God's plan means having to become a praying "zombie", so be it! Prayer is the only way we can reach our destiny and our goal. Besides that, we are going to give into temptation, unless that's what we really want. Evey moment in Jesus' presence, is everyday to perfection! I love you my King Jesus!