Today was rather a DEEP day for me lol! This morning when I woke up, instead of the usual TWO words that are always on my mind " I'm fat" , this verse was on my mind "seek first the kingdom of God..." It was on my mind while I was bathing, while I was eating, while I prayed, and while I was busy changing outfits getting ready for lectures! Last year I had lost 15kgs, and I thought I'd lose some more this year since well gym is my hobby and I'm not lazy to workout! But certain circumstances led me to putting back 10kgs, even more who knows, I don't wanna get on that scale LoL! So you know although I know I'm in the right place things have been pretty hard for me! God knows how much weight is such a huge issue to me! In the previous days I questioned God a lot! I asked him why He brought me to this place if he knew that certain things will happen to me! Why he brought me here if He knew that I'd get knocked off by bicycles! Why did he bring me here if he knew I'd get people attacking me! Why did he bring me here if he knew that my laptop and other things would be stolen! And on top of that why did he bring me here if gym is full, if gym is far, if I'm gonna gain so much weight again! But today while I was jogging I went deeper into this. And I was like God, I want to hear your side of the story! and I think it all began to make sense. God is telling me to focus on things that are more important. what is WEIGHT to him? He's like, seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and ALL these things shall be added unto you!! Each day I asked God to help me be successful and to do well in my studies and He wants to help me. But there are certain things that he has to do in order to help, and yes, they might hurt:) but God knows its for the best! The laptop got stolen, I can't do taebo, but its not the end of the world! Instead of coming back home after class today to watch movies, I went straight to the lab and worked on my maths! Yes I can't go to gym everyday because its far, but I'm able to study more! God is just showing me that life is more deeper than my weight! Funny enough this morning I read a scripture psalm 139, which says "you made all the delicate inner parts of my body and knit me together in my moms womb! I am fearfully and wonderfully created...and it goes on! And this just shows me that God accepts me the way I am, he knew I'd have a problem with my weight but He has taught me that weight is not an issue to him! He wants us to focus on the more important things, the things that are permanent, and those things are the things that are unseen, and those things are DIVINE, the things of God. Like I always tell myself yes it would be great to do well in my studies, and have a great life but what's more important is my relationship with God! God is a jealous God and once you take something, be it your parent, your lover, in my case the gym, and put it before Him, He will wipe it away! These things/people will hurt us because God wants to draw us closer to that certain place and that is to Him! I love my Jesus so much because I know that he first loved me and He has great plans for me!